I went through 3 miscarriages, the last one being the toughest. Looking back, I used these 3 steps to slowly heal after each loss. I share them with you in hopes that you will maybe find hope knowing that you are not alone, and that healing is possible.
1- Talk about it.
I know that talking about it can be scary. If you find that you can talk about it, it might be a matter of who is willing to listen. If it is a family member, it might be difficult to know what to say or how to act around you because they might be grieving too. My mom would try to help me by saying things to cheer me up when I wanted to let it out. She was grieving her grandchild, as well as seeing her daughter in pain. Find a professional or a good friend that will be able to hear you out, and maybe hand you a tissue to wipe the tears. My ex husband went straight to work the next day, instead of staying home to support me with all the physical pain and aftermath or my 3rd misscarriage. Him leaving to work was his way of dealing with his pain. If you can’t find who to talk to, try writing about it.
2- Figure out what part of the whole experience is affecting you the most.
For example, besides me feeling guilt for not having taken better care of my health, the frustration of not being able to stop the bleeding, the physical pain that lasted a whole week without even the morphine working…all those things were hard. Yet, for me, it was the fact that I had passed the baby at home. I put him in a jar with water (doctor’s orders) and handed my baby to the nurse. I felt like I had abandoned him. I had no sense of closure, no tumb to be able to visit. Where could I grieve? Not only that, I couldn’t sleep because I had no clue what had happened to his little body. The social worker said that she would call the hospital and inquire about the protocol about similar situations. I said yes, in hopes that I would rest with more information. Thankfully, I had gone to a Catholic hospital. I was able to find out that they bury the human body, and body parts in a designated sacred ground, once body remains are cremated (separate from medical waste). Just narrowing it down to what really hurts the most for you, will help you heal in a different way.
3- Take it to the Healer.
This one I left for last, even though it seems it should be the first. I leave it last because, for me, it felt that way when I went through my miscarriages. I questioned why God would allow all that pain, I even felt hurt because He wasn’t taking the pain away right away. I heard a song that helped me quite a bit: Held, by Nataly Grant. Only God knows what process will make the difference for you. Just remember, always walk toward healing. If you feel like your pain is so much that you find it difficult to function, please consider counseling. If you consider that coaching is the best way to go, I can definitely help! Schedule your appointment today.