I found my happily ever ‘before’ marriage by working on myself to heal from my previous relationship and now I know what it takes to move into the next phase of preparing for a future spouse. I have some advice for those of you who are preparing to enter into a second marriage. Listen to the Youtube series by Michael Todd titled “Relationship Goals Reloaded” It will give you great insights for what to do in the waiting period.
Both you and your new spouse must do the work of healing. Be aware of the red flags and don’t ignore them or excuse them this time around.
Note: It is inappropriate to date before your divorce is final because there could still be a possibility for reconciliation.
5 things you need to be working on before you say I DO – AGAIN.
Unpack the trauma from your past so you don’t bring it into the new relationship.
Take radical responsibility for your actions. Your date also has to articulate how he contributed to the dissolution of his previous relationship.
Enforce boundaries. Don’t sleep with the person before you marry. Take time to establish trust. Evaluate your motives. Why do you really want to get married? Are you just looking for a father figure for the kids? Are you looking for someone to rescue you financially? Have you lost track of your purpose and you just need a project to work on? Have you found fulfillment in the things that only God can satisfy? Remember, human beings cannot fill every void. At most, you will get about 80% of your needs met by your spouse. It is unrealistic to expect your new relationship to fulfill 100% of your needs.
Have difficult conversations. Especially if you are bringing kids into the picture. If your date gives you the silent treatment whenever you bring up a difficult subject, then it’s time to move on.
Find your purpose first before you jump into a new relationship.