Remember the 80/20 rule that was mentioned in the Why Did I Get Married movie? Okay great! I will be talking about that relationally but not necessarily from the angle mentioned in the movie. I learned a great lesson where this rule is concerned.  There are those wisdom nuggets that were passed down and there are those that cost me before I got it.  Hitting my head repeatedly eventually armed me with ways to stop injuring myself in that manner.  I was once a person who chose the background. This wasn’t me being humble but me not believing in my ability to make my own moves or being properly supported. However; I learned a lot that would be beneficial later down the road. For some time, I thought it was humility, but no there were deeper roots that resulted in my doing this I later awakened to.

Well, I worked on many projects with various people. People took notice of my get it done in an organized fashion mentality and wanted to work with me. I was precise with my work, I looked up what I didn’t understand and I made it happen. I was the person to share a vision with if you needed someone to run. After running so much for so many different people I found a common thread. It all ended in me being hurt, taking the blame for the breakdown, being ostracized and ultimately made to feel as though I was the hardest person on earth to work with.
I dealt with attitudes before anyone caught mine, I dealt with intimidation, sabotage, and having my gifts minimized by people who I trusted at the time. I found that some of the time I’d be given a task just to fail and to find that I superseded what was given made the rage brew towards me more aggressively. I was putting in 80% to their 20% and that was problem #1. In no way should I have been giving that much of myself to another’s cause that ultimately ended in me being talked about and tainted in the minds of others. I kept my word and I exceeded my part but I wasn’t a push over and that led to breakdown. Hitting my head so many times in this manner  it became hard to get me to work with anyone on anything. As I healed, I began building my own table. I was no longer going to sit at a table just because I was invited only to be the topic of conversation once I left. I was not valued and it was time for me to make my own way. There are many people today with a misconception of who I am because of something someone I worked with told them. No one has any discernment. One day I am praised and the next I am crucified. Come on people!
I gave my time, resources, finances, and knowledge. I missed sleep perfecting that which concerned someone else and in the end I was discarded. Take my advice, if you are going to assist with any project make sure it’s in writing the capacity of the extent of work you are needing to do and do that only, no more, no less. Your time is valuable so make sure compensation is discussed and agreed upon prior to committing. Meditate on the decision and make sure it is best for you and your brand. When and if you decide to proceed and you notice an area that could use your skill set, remember what you agreed to do and  again do that only.  Do not expose so much of you so soon or at all. When it is noticed that you have the ability to run with a vision and be successful people get real strange so spare yourself. Spare your feelings when it comes to those who think they have mastered a level of professionalism until they met you. Build your own table, the chairs, and decorate it. There’s so much I missed out on because of the damaging effects of working with people who made me feel like I was a problem when I did not march to the beat of their drum. A bar was set and rather than level up, the better option was to bring down. Don’t let that be you, learn from my story. I am building and I refuse to come down, if it is not lining up with my purpose I provide resources for a better fit.

People will put a cap on your capacity, measuring it against theirs. Do not let this be you!


LaToya Nicole


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