"If you give it away, it's your choice. If you keep it, it's your force. Either way, it's your power."

A Turning Point in the Journey

We were thick…not necessarily as thieves.  But more so thick as cold icing because it was hard to separate us or spread us apart.  We loved, laughed, cried, shared secrets and unknowingly in our younger years, boyfriends. 

We weren’t divided by distance or friends.  We were close.  We were friends.  We were family.  And then one day, we were over.  She exited left and I went right.

Was it hard?  It was an absolute shock and then a constant stab in the heart.  For a while. 

How do you get over a family breakup?

Is it fair to say that some relationships you just expect to last forever?  There is no coming in for a moment or a season because “a lifetime” was built into the relationship from the very start.

But things happen.

You both grow and you may grow one way while the other person grows another way.  You can’t trip over each other by crossing into one another’s lanes.  That’s the space of love.  Love for yourself.  Love for the relationship.  Love for the other person.  Love for individuality.  Love for independence.  Love…

I won’t say that it’s easy to walk away from a relationship that felt like forever overpowered a season.  But give it time and you’ll find some appreciation in the memories, the journey apart and the journey forward.

Can your heart be happy for the other person?

I don’t recommend getting into a state of envy and payback if the relationship was ended by the other person.  It will be wise to see the other person’s decisions as a blessing to you and then decide for yourself to let the other person go as well. 

Why make the choice to let go too?  So that you can fully move on with your future happiness and success.  Why do you want to hold on to what no longer wants you?  Why do you want to spend time thinking about what the person is doing when you can spend that energy on those active in your life right now?  Why rob yourself of peace by wishing ill on them or lurking on their social media sites or waiting for word by other family or mutual friends of their happiness and success or the lack thereof?

There’s more to do than linger in the hopes that it was a mistake on their part.  Trust their decision.  They made it for themselves.  Yes, it involved you but it was for them.  That’s why you need to make the decision to also let go and remain in control of your own life and decision making.  This doesn’t mean you have to lose love for them.  Pray for them when the person comes to mind.  Smile when you find out something good that has happened for them. 

The part of your heart that used to hold a space for them will feel empty for some time.  It will ache.  It may even cause a moment of depression.  And most likely will cause a longing for how life once was.  But remember, their decision was for them.  You choose decisions for yourself all day long and you don’t want others crossing your boundaries so do your best to stop taking it so personally.

Are you the one letting go?

Maybe you are the one who wants to end a relationship with a family member.  Perhaps you feel suffocated or let down or imbalanced by the relationship.  There are many reasons a person chooses to walk out of the life of another.  Your choice is personal.  But it’s for your good.

We all take the steps that work for ourselves.  Even if we stay too long where we aren’t wanted or respected, there was a reason and a benefit for not letting go sooner.  And then we feel safe enough to move on.

Move on.  It is your right to take care of yourself. 

How do you move forward?

Do you need a clean break? 

If you are ending the relationship with a family member, whether forever or for a period of time so that you can grow or breathe, you’re going to want to have a conversation.  Not just with that person but with other family members or mutual friends.  Let them know of your decision and make it clear to them that you will not engage in conversations or activities that involve the person until you are ready.  Family will definitely try to intervene and let you know that you are making a mistake but clarify to them that the decisions you make for yourself are right for you at this time.  Reassure them that you are not walking away out of emotion and reaction but you actually took the time to pray, reflect, think about all sides and consequences of the decision and also the benefits for you.

You are not responsible for the other person.  They will have to do their work for themselves.

Nobody will care for you the way you will.  When you think about your job, the position probably requires a lot from you.  If you get sick and don’t tell anybody, you will still be expected to operate at the fullest capacity and you may not have the strength to do so for a period of time.

Relationships require constant nurturing from everyone involved.  Maybe you just do not have the strength to give to the relationship like you have been because you need your time and energy for you care.  Communicate your needs and your decision because nobody will know if you don’t inform them. 

Don’t beat the other person down with your words or go to name calling and blaming.  Keep it personal.  This is what you need for yourself.  This is how you feel.  This is your decision.

A day of discovery.

Guilt may rise up but there is no sin in taking care of yourself.  Nobody but you can do for you what needs to be done.  Don’t believe that you don’t have a voice or choice over how your life turns out.  You are the one making the moves.  You are the one making the decisions.  In your behavior are non-verbal cues.  You have more power over yourself than you allow yourself to believe.  If your belief is that you have no say so or control over you and what you do.

Maybe you don’t know yourself too well.  If that’s the case, this journey to self-care can be the beginning of your day of discovery.  Maybe you were stuck in a role and the other person doesn’t want to see how you are evolving so what’s best for you is to let go, get distant, and keep growing.

Perhaps in your relationship you were the doormat.  Maybe taking a step back, for yourself, can show you how to stop being taken advantage of.  As you stand up and respect and love yourself, it teaches others how to do the same. 

It doesn’t matter if you are the one walking away from a relationship with a family member or the other person is walking away from you.  What matters is what you discover about yourself and how you move in your space in your lane as you move forward.  My prayer for you is that you do not get stuck in the pain of the loss but you shine in the awareness of who you are growing into.

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