A Lesson I Had to Learn the Hard Way

You can’t be good enough to a man who isn’t can’t look good enough to a man who isn’t ready..No matter what his mouth says. It was actually heartbreak that set me back on the right track and honestly changed who I was as a person. It taught me lessons that I didn’t even think I still needed to learn. It sharpened me, and I couldn’t be more thankful. I really, with all of my heart, thought that because I was ready to love with a healed heart, that this was it, this would work. I mean what could go wrong? Who would mess this up? I would be understanding, I wouldn’t even be shallow 🥴 He’d been hurt so he definitely wouldn’t have to worry about reliving that with me, no way. I wasn’t going to be judgmental , I would be respectful and protect his ego. I would be nurturing, I would be everything a man could possibly want in a woman. Sex on demand, heck, sex by request..I would often initiate it. Loyal like no other, what DMs? I would ignore anybody and anything that threatened what we had. I mean I was as ready as one could ever be. And it didn’t mean a thing to a man who wasn’t ready WITH ME. He was still going to cheat, and lie, and lie by omission. He was still going to justify every wrong and feel OK with himself, and even when he clearly broke my heart, he was still the victim. He was also the victim of “too much expectation.” Convenient. No matter how much he pushed for a relationship, he still wasn’t ready. The worst place to find out someone isn’t ready is IN A RELATIONSHIP. I really thought I could perform well enough to carry the relationship though. That’s what I really thought. I thought my actions would persuade him into being who he was only pretending to be. You wouldn’t believe how I found out that was a lie so I won’t even bother to tell you, at least not on this post. One word…a MOVIE. Well that’s two words, but you get the point. The moral of the story is…if you’re going to take the time to become the love you want, protect that at all costs. Do the research on the people you bring into your life, and be very discriminating. This is a decision that could potentially effect the rest of your life. It’s not a small, casual thing. And at it’s worst, it could mean the difference between life and death. I know that’s not very romantic, but it’s reality. Make sure that your same loving energy is being received and reciprocated, and the moment you realize it’s not, LEAVE. I do credit myself with showing some actual self value and self respect. I left at the first sight of disrespect…conspiracy with the intent to cheat. But in hindsight, there were red flags. I didn’t ignore them, I actually addressed them, but a red flag is a red flag. I had my eye on things, but I gave the benefit of the doubt to situations I now know that I should have walked away from. As far as why I left, my theory was, if you can mess up in the beginning when things are going good, ain’t no way I’d try to survive any bad moments with you. Plus, he hadn’t accumulated any “work it out,” or PTO. He hadn’t even been on the job long enough for that LOL so when he showed me who he was, I believed him. I didn’t care how deeply I was in my feelings, I had to turn my heart down and turn my brain up. Wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but I also wasn’t going to let my children witness me participate in another toxic relationship. No tears, no fussing, no yelling, none of that. We’re adults, you know what you was doing wasn’t ok..and if you didn’t know then, you know now..DO BETTER NEXT TIME, but you won’t get anymore practice with me. Take care…

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