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A Solution for Dating Burnout: What Roles Do Men Already Play in Your Life?

This post is all in honor of helping women to navigate the male energy around them and to investigate what males are already doing in their day to day life to serve them. There is so much we want, that we don't have, but what about acknowledging what we do have and tuning into that as well to give us more peace about our lives whether we are single and dating or married and dating!

Encouragement:

Before I talk about todays lesson I just want to remind you that you are the twinkle in God’s eye and you make him so proud every single day you get up and take on life and participate in the world.

Mindset:

Whether it’s the big or the small, it’s never 100% about the event or thing that happened. But it’s all in what you think, and how you think about it!

Example: If ordering a pizza in another language is easy, then it’s easy, but for another person if they constantly tell themselves it’s hard, then it’s hard! This applies to 100% of events that happen in your life. You make everything mean something.

So on to the main topic:

Here is a big idea I have about dating as a woman in the current climate. We as women really need to start assigning and acknowledging the roles men in our lives play.

You know that quote that goes, “You cannot pour from an empty cup.”

Well you’ve been doing just that, beating dead horses and trying to strike gold from empty cups all around.

On “Tumble” (Bumble), Offender (Tinder), and Plenty of Sharks (POF) haha.

The men you met have not been able to match you and what you’re looking for, so you grow in frustration. You feel like it’s time to regain faith in the male species that they are not all out for a quick casual encounter.

When you are in dating burnout mode, it is very easy to be bitter and want to boycott and put an END to all men in general.

I’ve been there, believe me! But when you’ve been going hard in dating and meeting men, it’s important to take the attention off the wrong the men have done to you, and refocus. 

So I propose a solution, let’s make men all around us serving us into an actionable exercise aka: a game!

In this game, men around you are serving you, validating you, making you smile and satisfying you in small or big ways. It’s not about only focusing on men from a dating/is he my husband perspective, it’s about appreciating men for the roles they do well in.

So each time a man serves you in some way let’s call that an “arrow”.

I say it’s an arrow because it’s like cupid shooting an arrow of validation to your heart to show you as respectable and appreciated by the male species no matter what stage of life whether you are single or married!

Side note: I personally do not agree with the belief that women should not desire male validation, I just believe there are times places and appropriate situations for how women should receive it.

Those of us who have had dating struggles of any kind, it could simply be we were searching for it in places/people we couldn’t effectively get it from! This is apart of the journey in navigating men and their different capabilities and their roles in our lives, because one man cannot be everything to us!

(This is especially for my ladies who haven’t grown up with very many males in their lives like me.) Because majority of my life I was surrounded by a majority of women.

For me, whenever a man was close to me in my life it was usually in a romantic sense. I would try to cast him for all the roles that one man could not ever fulfill. 

So the object of this game: Keep track of in your mind how many arrows you get in one day. This can be any sort of action you consider to be validation from men (or women, if you’re a guy reading) exchanged with a stranger, a friend of the opposite sex, a store clerk, your plumber, the cable guy, whoever you want! As long as they are of the opposite sex!

Ultimately it’s up to you to determine what an arrow is, but here are some ideas…

-you make eye contact, smile, wave

-a door is opened for you

-a man gives you a compliment, asks for your number, asks you on a date (you don’t have to say yes, but it still counts!)

-you share a joke

-you share a dance with a man in your salsa class

-a man carries your bag for you

-a store clerk, coffee barista gives you a freebie (even when it’s given to everyone that walks in, it still counts)

-a man hugs you, lends you his coat, kisses you

-your dad wants you to watch his favorite TV show with you

-your little brother sends you a text message. (I guess depending on what it’s about right?)

Now that’s enough of my dorky ideas…you get it now, so come up with some of your own and get creative! I would love to hear what you consider an “arrow”. If you’re having a hard time search some ideas up! I cannot lie I sort of stole this concept of “arrows” from a dating/feminine energy coach named Adrienne Everheart so I would like to credit her in this post as well. 

Please e-mail me or text me if you have any questions at 1-248-567-2264 or at kiannabyrd@gmail.com I want to see how creative you can get with this! Now get out there!

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