There is much talk about being respectful and respected, however, do you recognize the ways in which you miss the mark? If so, do you go back and apologize and if not please know that your idea of respect does not equal the expectations of others 100% of the time. And that’s not to say that you don’t have great standards or that you’re not aware of others. The point I’m making is that in very small ways we can unknowingly cause or contribute to offense due to what we don’t know.
Yes, I said what we don’t know because no matter how much we do know as humans we don’t know everything or everyone. And the way we interact with people we know and don’t know can leave that person with a positive or negative experience or idea about who we are as a person. For instance, I recently went to speak to a co-worker at work. Upon my arrival the door was open. I mean wide open, however, the response I received as I attempted to speak quickly caused me to see this individual in a different light.
My perspective is such that if you’re at work and don’t want others to interrupt you there should be a clear indication to others that way, they immediately know it’s not a good time to speak to you about anything. Yet, my takeaway here is that everyone doesn’t see or align with my way of thinking. And secondly, when you’re addressing personal matters the volume and tone of your voice shouldn’t allow others to know the details of the matter you’re dealing with.
And equally important, as a professional you don’t want your personal business becoming office gossip. Um hmm, yes, I know we may say or like to pretend that people don’t gossip at work, but let me tell you if you are in the habit of airing your personal affairs at the office it’s safe to say that eventually your business will become a topic of office discussion. And you shouldn’t expect people to respect and hold your personal affairs as such when you’re openly discussing and addressing them in a manner that allows them a front row seat into your life.
Do things happen that make us upset? Certainly. Do situations take place that we don’t plan for? Undoubtedly the answer is yes. Do you want to address certain situations immediately? Absolutely! Still respect is a two-way street and if you’re disrespecting your privacy that’s your choice and it’s the choice of others to do as they please with the information you gave them by the way in which you handled whatever situation you’re dealing with.
And this is most definitely true as well in our personal life. As we engage in relationships with others, in particular the people we date we should respect them and they should respect us. The question is – is that the case? If not, again, what are we doing about it? Do we make it known to the person we’re dating that we require respect? Now, you can’t say that respect is essential and necessary if you haven’t discussed your expectations in that area.
Translation people will do what they want, but you decide if what they do is acceptable by the standards you put in place and you decide if you’re willing to continue to allow them to have a seat at your table and in your life by the way you continue or don’t continue to have a relationship with you. Just because you care for someone doesn’t mean you two should do life together. As there are many people who just won’t align with your expectations so letting them go is the best thing, we can do for them and us.
So, I ask you again, are you disrespectful to yourself or to others? If so, here’s 4 things you can do to start improving in that area.
1. Get Your Personal Life Contained
As much as possible keep your personal life from causing you to take your private affairs to work and disrupt your work day or cause you to lash out or be short with your colleagues. Whatever is happening in your personal life doesn’t include your colleagues – meaning it’s not their fault and you shouldn’t make it their cross to bear your frustration and disappointment. And doing so is going to require you to practice mindfulness so that you are aware of how you are feeling and how you are directly and indirectly sharing your feelings with others in a professional environment.
2. Lead Conversations with Specific Outcomes
If you’re not clear on what you want and what you need you can’t convey that to anyone, whether it’s personal or professional. So, get specific in your conversations. That means before you speak to address a matter listen to the other person’s concerns and complaints, reiterate to them that you understand and then lead your response with specific outcomes. It’s when you get specific in what you want that you can learn if others have the capacity and willingness to do as you need and want.
And that means you can’t let emotions drive the conversation, stay focused on the issue at hand and the ultimately outcome(s) you believe is the best fit and need for you.
3. Acknowledge Assertively Unproductive Conversations
Articulate in a calm yet assertive manner that the conversation is not yielding or providing the desire outcome(s). Contrary to popular belief disagreements or arguments don’t have to have people yelling, screaming, or cursing at each other.
There is a way to communicate your displeasure, anger, and frustration to others and not raise your blood pressure doing so. It’s certainly not the norm, but you certainly can do it, especially when you stay focused on specific outcome. And when a person or a conversation becomes unproductive say so. This conversation or your responses are not helping us move forward let’s resume this another time.
4. Do A Relationship Alignment Assessment
Yes, do a relationship alignment assessment because no matter how great or beneficial our relationships are as individuals we grow and we don’t all grow and go into the same spaces and places at the same pace. And that means we must get to a place where we are willing to let go of empty container plates and gas guzzling cars. I know it sounds rough but here is family when any relationship doesn’t bring anything valuable into your life it’s empty. Likewise, when any relationship keeps you feeling drained and frustration no matter how much effort you’re putting in to maintain and grow it it’s sucking you dry. End overpriced relationships and do it now!
So, get, lead, acknowledge, and do because your relationships should make you G.L.A.D. especially your personally relationships. And I’m sure you notice I put the emphasis on your needs in leading. While some may disagree, I’m here to tell you again they should make you glad – Translation, that includes work related relationships as you should not despise and feel disgust going to work. Your relationships should bring deposits into your life that cause joy and fulfillment.
Certainly, they won’t all do so equally, but something about the relationships you have with others should be positive. Otherwise, why continue to have a relationship that doesn’t offer any relational benefit, especially personally? And that’s not to say that you shouldn’t be source of happiness and joy to others because you should. However, the focus here is on you because if you’re going to become your best self you must start implementing practices to help empower and transform you to be the best to yourself.
If you say that you’re never disrespectful I challenge you to rethink that because no matter how great your standard of measurement is it does not and cannot speak for all of those you interact with 100% of the time and that naturally means it will fall short of someone else’s expectations if it hasn’t already. ~Coach Sam
~EXALTED ROYALTY~ A C. E. SAM COMPANY