Well ladies, Valentine’s is near and I’m sure as you’ve ventured out you see the number of items in the store for men to buy their beloved and if you’re in a single season you may find yourself longing to have a boo buy something for you.
However, I want you to know that everyone in a relationship isn’t happy and everyone happy isn’t in a relationship. You see while relationships can and should add value into our lives, they don’t necessarily provide us the ability to live our best life.
Too often people get into relationships without understanding the purpose of relationships and without being ready for a relationship. And therefore, I’m telling you as a single that being envious, or longing for a relationship that you think someone else has is a mistake.
In fact, there are women in abusive relationships who on the outside show no signs. Just like there are women married to a man who makes them miserable. Yet, from her highlight reels and FB portraits all seems well. The truth is when people get in and stay in relationships that are toxic and abusive, they lack the ability to see their worth and love themselves.
Yes, they may find themselves financially dependent, and still when you’ve had enough, you’ll leave without knowing exactly how you’re going to provide your financial needs. Said another way, you’ll find the strength to walk away, and depend on God to make the way because you refuse to allow what you don’t see or know keep you emotionally afraid, scared, and traumatized from doing what’s best for you.
So here is where I want to park for the duration of today’s blog – emotional readiness.
Yes, emotional readiness! Because in our society we’re bombarded with images, people, reality shows, songs, and the list goes on telling us that togetherness is essential and yet the narrative should be that wholeness is essential.
As you can be with someone who isn’t whole and there in lies the biggest problem with relationships today. We have hurt people hurting people. We have abused people abusing people. We have broken people getting with broken people. We have damaged people hooking up with other people and then damaging those people.
We have a cycle of toxic relationships and a false reality painted in our minds about the purpose of relationships and why we should purse or want to be in them. That goes back to what we allow our emotions dictate to us. That’s right our emotions are to blame.
Because we don’t have them under our control, they have control of us and are causing us to seek, want, and feel the need to have and hold on to toxic people and things, including relationships. Our emotions are causing us to seek and search out anybody instead of a whole somebody who would truly cherish us.
And that means that we need to self-assess why! Why are we willing to go out of our way to have a relationship we’re not ready for and don’t truly need. Before you say that God said it isn’t good for man to be alone – let me stop you… Because in His creation He perceived that Adam needed a helpmate. And again, in today’s culture everyone isn’t pursing Godly relationships nor are they aware of the purpose of relationships.
Matter of fact, there are some people who will outright tell you they aren’t marriage material and there’s nothing wrong with that because in the words of Pastor Flowers, marriage is a ministry and everyone isn’t called to it! Okay!
Marriage takes commitment to be willing and ready to put your way of doing things to the side for us and it means you need to be emotionally in control of you. Because if you can’t control your emotions, how are you going to build a happy and healthy life with someone else?
So, queens, breathe and know while Valentine’s is a day lovers celebrate if you’re in a single season that means you have time to continue to improve you and become your best self. And being single doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy of love, it simply means right now is time for you to focus and invest in ensuring that you’re in the mental and emotional space to handle your next so you can truly live life blessed.
Besides, no one said you couldn’t show your own self with something special, did they?
~Before you think about being in a committed relationship you need to consider if you’re emotionally ready because to sustain a commitment in a relationship with a man you must be emotionally able to express what you feel and be open to allow him to see you vulnerable. ~Coach Sam
~EXALTED ROYALTY~ A C. E. SAM COMPANY