Listen, I know it’s getting cold outside and with the holidays fast approaching many people are thinking about gathering up and focused on having a good time with family. And that’s great to want and enjoy gathering and catching up with family. In fact, our families are often the first place we see and learn about relationships and if your family is anything like mine once people get together and they start talking the conversations can easily go on for hours and folks can end up talking about their love life or the lack thereof. 😊
On the other hand, I know some of you may dread this time of year, whether it be because of loosing a loved one around this time, or the feeling that you’re all alone. And that’s actually where I want to park for a while this Saturday morning. You see, in this life, we’re constantly bombarded with the messaging that togetherness is ideal and that we should aspire to being in a relationship with someone else. So, the be on the outside looking in sometimes can feel depressing as though you’re missing out or in some cases as though your time will never come.
However, do realize that marriage is not for everyone and even if you do believe that marriage is for you that when you rush into a relationship just for the sake of not wanting to wait anymore or to seem as part of the in crowd whether it’s from societal pressures or family asking when are you going to settle down or have kids that you’re setting yourself up for unnecessary stress and to have a loveless marriage that more likely than not will end in divorce.
And I don’t know about you, but as for me, the day I choose to say I do, if God sees fit, I want to stay married. That’s right, like many of you I’m single, but I’m enjoying learning, growing, and developing in my singleness. So, I want to encourage you on your journey because sometimes you can get to a place where you idolize marriage and envy those who are married. But, I have you know that you shouldn’t for these reasons:
1. Everyone Married Does Not Have God’s Approval
2. Everyone Married Is Not as Happy as They Seem
3. Everyone Married Will Not Stay Married Forever
4. Everyone Married Does Not Love Their Spouse
5. Everyone Married Is Not and Can’t Produce Fruit
Everyone Married Does Not Have God’s Approval
That’s what I said and I make no apologies for it. It’s like this no matter what society says or how politicians views on what marriage is and who it’s between change the good book is clear – marriage is between one man and one woman. So, just because people are married doesn’t mean that God is anywhere in their marriage. And that’s so important for us to know and understand because God gives free will and just because He gives us free will to make choices doesn’t mean He approves of our choices or that those choices are in our best interest. Some people don’t want to hear or accept this fact. But, again, God’s word doesn’t need any help to stand.
Just like He is that He is His word is what it is. And the Bible declares that on the day some people see His face He’s going to tell them to depart from Him. So, I’m not here to debate or hurt anyone’s feelings for who they’ve chosen to marry. As for me, I want my life to have God’s approval. I know for certain that God wouldn’t approve me marrying a woman as woman myself. I know for certain God wouldn’t approve me marrying someone who would desire to turn my mindset away from seeking His face and the list goes on. So, understand marriage is a biblical principle and you shouldn’t want to be married if God doesn’t approve.
Everyone Married Is Not as Happy as They Seem
Hmm mm that couple you see holding hands on their way into the store could have just got through cursing each other out in the car. That couple that has the family Christmas cards sent out every year with an image of everyone color coordinated to the t could very well be stressed to the max trying to keep up with the Jones’, which has them financially stressed and thinking about filing bankruptcy. That couple you see at church who always seems so calm and sweet could be putting on a show in public only to get back home and go in separate rooms to not speak to one another due to infidelity. Or even worse, just maybe they seem so sweet because there’s abuse going on and one person is scared their spouse will finally tell it, while the other is too embarrassed to say anything. And let the church say amen.
Because too often we don’t speak about our unhappiness. Too often we perform like actors and actresses in movies for the audience of society doing what we think or what we know is the quote unquote standard. And in doing so, give others the idea that marriage is the end all be all and that being married is so great and grand that everyday life has rainbows and sunny blue skies when that’s not the truth. And in some instances, has never been the truth for some married couples.
Let me tell you from first-hand experience because I have lived with people who were married and have seen the fights get quite toxic and I’m talking verbal fights that turned physical and accusations that revealed cheating and explosive emotions running so high that both parents left the house and no one took the minor toddler who couldn’t care for itself. And then when family and friends, even best friends come over to visit, bab-y the lies and fakery come out!!!
But you know what, in those instances I kept my mouth closed and took mental notes. It wasn’t my business or place to intervene and say oh that’s a lie… that’s not what happened, that’s not how that broke or why that person has that bruise. Okay, so I’m not telling you what I think, I’m telling you what I know. Don’t buy into the hype that you just need to get married to be happy because Queens and Kings you don’t and in fact you need to be happy in your singleness and not seeking for someone else to fill you up.
Everyone Married Will Not Stay Married Forever
And this leads to my next point, everyone married won’t stay married for a lifetime. Yes, the idea is nice, but you know for yourself that people get divorces every day. I mean look at some of the celebrities you know Michael Jordan, Jennifer Lopez, Jeff Beozos, Bill Gates, Ben Stiller, Gwyneth Paltrow, Dr. Dre, Tiger Woods, Mariah Carey, Sean Pean, Janet Jackson, and the list goes on.
You see across age ranges, races, careers, popularity, crossover audiences, and economic status everyone will not stay married forever. And the sad truth is sometimes people married quickly realize and know the marriage they’re in won’t last forever, yet, hang in there. Hanging in there only leads them to feel more and more drained and weighed down by knowing that they need to end the relationship.
So, I encourage you to recognize that marriage is not something that you should idolize, especially someone else’s marriage because the fact of the matter is that you can be deceived by false appearances because sometimes that couple that has been married for years won’t stay married and they know themselves it’s only a matter of time before they call it quits.
Everyone Married Does Not Love Their Spouse
I know you may not believe it by looking at some couples, but again, looks can be deceiving. As loving as some couples appear to you in person or even online, they’re not. So, don’t think just because people are married, they got married because they loved each other or stay married because they love each other. Just take the Atlanta couple, Ronnell and Keianna Burns who recently died in a murder suicide. To many I’m sure their life appeared lovely.
However, clearly from the incident that unfolded it wasn’t. And they’re not the first couple who experienced hardships in their marriage and they won’t be the last. So, as you seek a partner to be with always keep in mind that marriage is and should be about the two of you coming together to become one to live life kingdom minded. Translation, if you desire or want to get married understand that marriage is not easy and it will test you and your commitment to the person you said I do to.
Meaning, if your marriage isn’t rooted in love you’re setting yourself up for extremely rough times when trials, tribulations, and hardships come. And trust me they will come. Ask anyone married for any length of time and they will tell you that they’ve endured test after test – whether due to over involved parents, cheating, finances, children, job changes, health challenges, and the list goes on. So, if you already have a foundation that is loveless, you’re less likely to survive life’s tests, especially for a lifetime.
Everyone Married Is Not and Can’t Produce Fruit
And that brings me to my last point about producing fruit- because everyone married is not and can’t produce fruit. And I’m not simply taking about having children. I’m talking about showing others the way. Yes, your marriage is yours, but the Lord should be the anchor for you and your spouse. Again, I won’t debate anyone’s feelings on religious beliefs. Just know that people not anchored in God and who don’t desire God to be their anchor can’t come together and have God’s presence lead their marriage or show biblical principles and a Godly lifestyle to others.
It’s the equivalent of wanting the presents of God, but not the presence of God. And one thing God won’t do is bless a mess. So, while their may be several married people who are married and seem like their “winning” if God isn’t the center of their marriage they’re not winning. Anything in God should have fruit, a likeness to God and the things and ways of God. In fact, the Bible speaks of this concept in Luke 6: 43-45. And don’t forget that Jesus also cursed the fig tree for not producing in Matthew 21: 18-22 and in Matthew 25:26 the Lord called the servant who hid his talents instead of multiplying them wicked and slothful.
Because it is God’s desire for us to be kingdom minded and for our life to glorify and lift Him up. And if you’re not interested in your marriage glorifying God, I ask you why do you want to be married? Because if you like myself are a child of the King then you know that God called for us to be imitators of Him and walk in love as Christ loved and gave His life for ours. Translation, our life, including our marriage if we are married or when we get married should be Christ-like. So, in closing, I leave you with two challenges.
Look at your motives for wanting to be married and get ready for marriage in your singleness because once you get married you have a responsibility to follow through on the commitment that you made and you should not make the commitment to get married if you don’t understand what marriage is for and what marriage requires of you. And simply put if you’re equipped for the function of marriage, you’re willing and committed to die to yourself and your way of doing things and live life the Kings way so that you’re walking in purpose with your spouse and intentionally living out the purpose God created you for daily.
~Don’t be in such a hurry to be a wife or a husband that you fail to equip and prepare yourself for the role because you understanding what the expectations are and how to do those expectations in the role is the foundation of your success once your officially carry the title wife or husband. ~Coach Sam
~EXALTED ROYALTY~ A C. E. SAM COMPANY