Are You Waiting for Him to Change?

"Are You Waiting on Him to Change?" is today's blog post inspired by a questioned asked in a mentoring lunch and learn session, which made me think about how often as ladies we wait and hope for a man we're interested in to change, when we shouldn't. And in this blog post I discuss 5 reasons why it's a bad idea to wait on any man you're interested in to change. ~Waiting on a man to change is the equivalent of waiting on something that may never be because his reality may be change is not necessary for him to be.~ Coach Sam

Are you waiting for him to change? Ladies, have you ever met a guy and you knew from the very beginning this guy does not have it all together? In fact, you knew he is not where he needs to be, he is not where he should be, and he is not what I would like him to be… but, just maybe if I stick around, if I tough it out, if I give it some time, he will grow, he will develop, and he will become the perfect guy for me.

If you ever thought that Queens, I want to tell you five reasons why you should not be waiting for a man to change.

Number One

Mindset – He may never be on your level as it relates to mindset.

And the thing about that is everything we do starts with a thought. So, it starts in our mind. So, if he has the mindset that you know what life is not really purposeful. I’m just here. I’m just doing my own thing. I’m just going to go my own way versus you having the mindset that life is purposeful and that you do have a purpose.

And you’re really truly seeking to fulfill it and walk it out no matter how much he develops, no matter how much he grows, he may never get to the level that you’re on.

Then you will have spent all of this time waiting for him to become something that he never was and that you knew that he never was from the beginning.

Number Two

He may be an assignment. Let that marinate and an assignment.

So as adults, we know we’re Kingdom Minded Ladies, an assignment is somebody who we are supposed to be helping become a better version of themselves.

Now, if you never heard of that term – an assignment as relates to a person, it’s essentially just what I said. It means that you are in a position in your life that you have something of value that you can and that you are giving to this person, or at least you should be giving to this person because that person has come into your life for that very specific reason, for their very specific purpose, for you to help them grow, and develop for whatever season and time that they’re in.

And sometimes people come into our life for seasons. They are not always here for a lifetime. If you think back to your school days, maybe your junior high days, even high school or college days, there are a number of people I’m sure that you still talk to; but they are also some people who last name you don’t even remember.

You grow, you mature, you move on. Everybody that comes into our life does not stay for a lifetime. So, if this person is an assignment, if you’re supposed to help them do or become something for them to carry on their mission – their purpose in life, you should not be getting attached to the idea that they’re going to be around for a lifetime.

Because that’s not going to happen. And when they get ready to branch off and move on you going to be heartbroken. Because you were trying to get this person to become a permanent fixture in your life and there was not the reason that they came into your life.

Number Three

He may never see you the way that you see them.

Never! So, you could spend a countless amount of time sitting around, waiting, hoping, wishing, and praying that this person is going to see you the way that you see them only to find out down the road that yes, they make think that you’re great – they may think that you are wonderful person.

They may love and enjoy spending time with you, but as it relates to romance – once you bring that topic up – this man may be looking at you like… Really?  A relationship? With you? Did I ever give you that impression that I wanted that?

If so, you know… I’m sorry but I do not see that with you. I do not see us growing old together, holding hands, and building a family. And then again, you’ve sat there and you wasted time or I should say you invested time hoping, wishing, and praying that this man was going to see you the way that you saw him and that was not the case.

And you can’t force that to be the case. So truly think about that.

Number Four

He may not be who God has for you.

Yeah, I said that. He may not be who God has for you.

So, you could want something and God could work in your wants. It’s possible for him to give you the things that you want. However, if this man has no Godly affiliation – for example, I met a guy and I asked him well what church do you belong to?

And he told me, as serious as he could be, I go to church as needed!

Now, let that marinate. Because if this man – the man that I was talking to tells me that he goes to church as needed with that said to me is God is not at the top of his priority list. He goes to church as needed?

So, he’s not in community with other believers. That’s a problem. Because any man that’s telling you that he doesn’t really see the things of God as valuable and your Kingdom Minded -remember, I’m talking about Kingdom Minded Women.

He’s taking you away from the things that God would have you to be doing. Because he is not focused and making God a priority. Yes, you can be in fellowship and have a relationship with God and not belong to a local church.

However, if a man is telling you from the very beginning that he does not see going to church as necessary –  then how is he getting in his time with God? How is he growing? How is he developing? How is he maturing? Does he even believe in God? Is he anchored in God?

Because an ungodly man cannot leave household!

And lastly he may never want to change for you! …

Never, never ever, ever want to change for you!

And that’s a problem that a lot of times we run into ladies. Because we’re waiting, we’re sitting, we’re hoping, we’re praying that this man comes along and he’s willing to change for us. And then we invest all this time in building this man up and trying to create the ideal relationship with us, only to find out that he does not want to change.

Change is not a part what he’s thinking about. And again, you cannot force a person to change. I have said this and I’ll say it again – change is something that a person has to be willing and open to do. Because they are an adult and God gives free will. Just like He gives free will to you, He gives free will to any man that you may come across.

So, it’s in your best interest to not be sitting around waiting, investing, hoping, and praying that a man that you like that you want to be with is willing and going to change his ways.

~Waiting on a man to change is the equivalent of waiting on something that may never be because his reality may be change is not necessary for him to be.~ Coach Sam


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