Several days ago I had a dream I awoke from immediately reflecting on my life. There was a young lady driving a vehicle in the dream. It appeared she was on her way to work because she was well dressed, she had a bag with folders in it, she drove a nice SUV and she seemed happy. The weather appeared nice but the moment I thought she was about to arrive at her destination the dream started over from the beginning and the weather had changed. Same script different weather. I was puzzled as I laid there looking into her life as if I was there. Then it happened again but this time it was raining. This time she feared running off the road. I could feel her jumping internally as she turned on her defrost hoping her eyes would correct quickly. At this point I awoke panicked as if I had been driving around in circles. I grabbed my journal and began to write what I saw. I needed to figure out how this applied to my life and what changes I needed to make to interrupt the cycle. Here is a lady who looked fine on the outside, seemed to have all the material possessions, yet she was circling. Some area of her life was not progressing. With each scene and each change of the weather I experienced a different emotion from her. They were not separate but a different one each time in addition to the previous one. The way she felt was hard to explain although I was familiar with it. I have felt that way too. I have felt that way a lot. As it appeared, she was on her way to work so I could conclude that her career path was the one she felt all the anxiety about.
I realized I too had been circling in different areas of my life. As hard as I tried to do it differently I ended back in the same position. I knew then this was deeper than just “praying it away.” There was a root to this so I sought the help to remove the blocks. I had to seek help outside of my norm. I had to seek help that would help me out of the pit with strategy not sink me further with “you got to trust God’ “have faith” or the classic “put on the mind of Christ” without clarifying how. I understood I had to pray and seek divine guidance on what route to take to break these cycles and my answer came just as fast as I prayed it. Not only did it come, with every level of healing I needed, my instructor manifested. I was ready and the help was made available to me. Negative self talk, lack of belief in my abilities, low self-esteem, rejection, abuse and seeds sown as a child in my subconscious were some of the reasons why I was living my life on repeat. I could not progress forward until I opened up about how I truly felt and why. Have you ever been in a car with someone who never listened to an entire CD, they just heard one song, liked the outcome and kept it playing over and over and over? Well so have I, I have even been that person. Time for a new song! We get comfortable thinking that this is all there is, we fear change and embracing the unknown, we put ourselves in a cycle of procrastination because we do not want to make decisions for our lives. We say we are “waiting on God” when we are really using spirituality to bypass doing what God has already made it clear to do. We fool no one but ourselves and we miss out. We get so programmed and rehearsed we miss opportunities to be present in every moment and to rewire our brains. If you drive the same way to work everyday you are on autopilot. You are not tapping into areas of your brain because you are not doing or learning anything new day to day. Fear and unprocessed pain has trapped us. The young lady probably wanted to start her own business but fear of missing out on something or making the wrong decision kept her circling.
Take a step in a different direction. If you do the same thing everyday the same was start by interrupting that pattern. If you normally come home after work, try working out. Doing this not only helps interrupt cycles in your mind but it will raise your vibrations. Seek God for the help you need and when it comes packaged differently from what you imagined embrace it. I have worked with a therapist and two coaches to get where I am and I still have a ways to go. Understand this process is continual as there is much to uproot. It is all worth it as you see the real you birth forward. You are not your pain! You are not what you saw growing up. You are not what people have said about you. You are somebody even though they abandoned you. You are loved even though they chose your sibling over you. You do not have a bad attitude because you are angry and that’s how you are expressing it. You are smart; stop shutting down because you are not comfortable with your voice. There is a plan an a purpose for you, dig deep for it. Under everything life has thrown at us, the “Before I formed you, I knew you” is shining bright.
LaToya Nicole #goingSOLO