We’ve heard it over and over again… Be a good listener and you know many of us would say that we are good listeners if we were asked. And the truth of the matter is many spouses when asked would disagree. You see as much as we may not want to think about it, listening is not about having an answer. Though many of us can say that we’re often guilty of listening to give an answer.
When we do this, we fail to understand and see the big picture, especially when it comes to understanding what our spouse has said. Just think about a couple dating, both feel the relationship is going well and want to stay together, so someone decides to move. And here in lies my point, did you hear what he said.
If you don’t follow me, consider this, in a relationship though things may start well that’s no indication to say that they will remain going that way as relationships go through stages and phases. Sometimes those stages and phases are positive and other times there a total nightmare. And when it comes to someone moving in that’s a major life decision.
Yet, too often many women make a major life decision without hearing what the man they’re dating has said about it. And there is one of two things he could have said and you missed it. So today I’m going to fill you in to give you a different perspective to consider to help you be more alert to understand and hear what he said.
First of all, he could have said you’re not worth it. I know, you may be thinking well if he’s allowing me to move in with him, certainly he didn’t say that. But, I have you know that that’s not so. You see, if you’re dating a guy and he allows you to move in with him, he’s not giving up his space or changing his way of life.
He’s merely allowing you a space in his world. And though you may think that’s great. When things don’t work out he’s not leaving, you are. You’re in his home, with his stuff.
In reality what he said to you is he doesn’t want to commit to changing his world and his norms for the sake of your relationship to continue yet it’s fine for you to do so. You put yourself in a position of being at his mercy, especially when you’re not on the lease because you have no say so when he says you got to go.
On the other hand, he could be saying to you, he’d rather the expenses be on you. If he volunteers to move in with you then you may think it’s better because you still have all your things and your way of life for the most part remains the same. However, with everything being in your name, ultimately you have just agreed to take care of him.
Yes, it may be tough to hear, but remember if he doesn’t follow through on any agreement you make regarding the new living arrangement it’s your name on the lease, it’s your name on the bills, it’s your issues to handle. Because while you can put him out, you certainly can’t force him to do what he agreed to.
And in some cases, couples dating decide to move in together and there’s nothing set to say how the arrangement is going to work and yet both people are expecting something that either of them have communicated to the other. And then wonder why everything is an argument. It’s because they moved too fast, especially when you’re moving in or allowing someone to move in with you in less than a year because that means you haven’t even seen this person in all four seasons once.
Translation, you truly have no idea who this man is. You most likely haven’t seen this man upset, go through disappointment, face hardships, handle challenges, deal with family drama, his interactions with his friends, know how he handles his money, and the list goes on.
Though living with the person you’re dating can seem like the next best step to take you need to be aware of what’s truly being said. Any man you’re dating that you decide to move in with or who is moving in with you has not committed to you.
If you desire commitment, you must look at the choices you’re making to determine if they are taking you towards the commitment you want. Because too often all moving in does is shows you the poor character traits of the man, you’re dating that you dismissed and you find yourself starting your life over and or trying to get him out of your house while also dealing with stress, frustration, and sometimes trauma that dating him and the relationship has caused.
That’s why neither situation is better than the other as they both put you in a situation you didn’t have to be in. Slow down and take time to know and build a solid foundation with the man you’re dating and understand you can and should do that with both of you remaining responsible for you, not by merging your life with theirs.
As when date to by merging your life with theirs, you’re committing to uncommitment and if you’re a King’s Kid you already know that’s not in line with the King’s standards and will. And you shouldn’t expect the King to bless what He didn’t ordained as just because He doesn’t work like that.
~Sometimes it’s not that the man you’re dating didn’t communicate with you, it’s that you dismissed what he said because your reality was your focus.~ Coach Sam
~EXALTED ROYALTY~ A C. E. SAM COMPANY
