Self-care is about more than just looking good to feel good; it’s also about doing good. The deeper aspect of self-care involves reflecting on how you can do and be better, for yourself and others. Because doing better is one of the best ways to boost your esteem and bring yourself peace.
A good example is not letting someone (or people) complain to you about the same problem over and over (no matter how many slick ways they try to disguise the complaint) when you’ve already discussed the necessary solution numerous times (and they know it’s the right one) but they refuse to take the action. My suggestion is to start answering them with the solution, and let that be the only answer you ever give them, going forward.
Let’s say your [whoever] complains about how they hate cleaning the house, and they keep coming up with excuses for why they just “can’t” do it. You’ve suggested they hire a cleaning service. They agree that they “should” and keep saying they will but still haven’t done it (because, excuses). They continue whining to you about their dirty house. Instead of reminding them of your prior discussions or asking them if they’ve looked into the cleaning service, you respond with either: “You’ll find a great cleaning service” or “I hope you find a great cleaning service.” BOOM. That’s it. Convo over. Put that ball right back in their court, and make them really focus on taking responsibility for their problem. The previous two options (“Last time we talked about this…” and “Did you find…?”) leave the door open for too much unnecessary back and forth and more excuses from the other party. This option points a stronger finger at the person and keeps you from being an enabler. Every time you engage people about the same problem time and again, when they already know what they should be doing to fix it, you not only let them sap you of valuable emotional energy and time, but you also don’t motivate them to put on their adulting suit and take care of business. Give ’em that one answer enough times, and before you know it, they’ll either stop complaining to you cuz they know what you’re gonna say and they don’t wanna hear it, or they’ll fix the problem and tell you about it.
Meanwhile, you’ve helped yourself out of a headache and can now fill that space with some peace, and you may have helped that person finally show up for themselves.