Do You Expect Perfection?

Now, y’all know the talk of this past week is the fact that Will Smith let Chris Rock have it right across the face. And for most people who feel as though they know Will Smith they were totally not expecting that reaction from him. Many have said so online across several different platforms. And in some of their minds Will can’t recover from this incident, nor do they see his career and character the same, not now and not in the future.

So I ask you do you expect perfection? Because if you do you’ve set yourself up to be sorely disappointed. Now before you say it seems like you’ve defending Will’s actions, please know I don’t condone what he did. As he’s said it’s wrong and I agree. His actions were out of character with the man so many of us have come to enjoy watching in movies and film.  On the other hand, as I listened to the joke that took the Oscar’s show down an unexpected and unfortunate direction, I didn’t perceive it as funny.

I actually instead found it surprising that Chris would make such a joke when he knows all too well how painful the topic of hair criticism can be, whether you’ve lost your hair or others have termed you to have bad hair, in particular for women of color the issue of hair length, grade, and sometimes quality is a source of frustration and for many women of color trauma. Some folks will say it’s not Chris’ fault because he didn’t know Jada’s medical condition, Alopecia, caused her to lose her hair and that she wasn’t happy about it. However, again I ask you are you expecting perfection from people?

Some people are on Will’s side saying enough is enough, you can make jokes without making women feel bad about themselves and what they do or don’t have. Others are saying Will was out of line and Chis is a stand up guy for not assaulting Will back. And naturally there are some stating that Jada’s response to the joke caused Will’s anger. So, it’s her fault for being a “bad sport” and “too sensitive” to a joke that she should have taken as a compliment because his comparison to G I Jane is a comparison to a woman of strength.

And her Spirit and negative energy caused Will to get out of character. So, it’s her fault the Oscar’s turned out the way it did. As for me, I want you to know that objectively I see that all parties involved need grace. Grace because none of them are perfect. It’s easy to condemn, drag, and make memes of Will for not keeping his composure, but if it were you or your spouse that lost their cool on one of the important nights of your life you wouldn’t find it funny.

If it, were you sitting in that chair were Jada sat listening to someone tell a joke at your expense for others to laugh at, while inside you’re struggling with accepting and loving the new reality of your appearance maybe you wouldn’t be so critical of her response? And if you were on that stage with the pressure to host an event as a comic and do your best to make sure it was funny so that people enjoyed themselves and want to come back to the next one, you could understand Chris’ miscalculation on making such a joke?

What I’m telling you here is I see fault’s in all parties because I perceive things each of them could have done differently and although I see that, I see the need for grace. They all need it. And for those keeping the unfortunate situation going online with more jokes and memes that speaks to where we are as a society in the state of our mind and our ability to be mindful of what we say and do. For those of you who may be wondering what each of them could have done. I’d say B.E.T. That’s right each of them needed to use this 3-step process and in doing so just maybe each of them could have saw this situation from a different lens and perspective, which would have allowed each one of them that night to make a different choice.

So, what’s B.E.T.?

B – Breathe Deeply Slowly

There’s something about taking a deep breathe in slowly that helps you to decrease your stress and lower your blood pressure. To take a deep breathe in is a conscious act because it’s not something that we typically do as God is so awesome that He automatically designed our bodies to go through the breathing process without our thought or input. When we take a deep breathe in and release it out slow it gives us time to pause in frustrating, devastating, and unexpectedly circumstances to do or say anything without thinking.

E – Evaluate Your Emotions

Yes, evaluate your emotions. As mentor once stated, I say to you… Emotions are feelings and feelings in and of themselves aren’t bad. The problem with our feelings is we should not let them drive our car. Translation – we should be in control of our emotions and not let our emotions control us. Is this always easy? Um absolutely not! However, when you know what emotion is in control, you can take authority to put it under your control. And while apologizing for something we say or do is possible, it’s not possible to undo or unsay anything.

T- Think About Consequences

Every action has a reaction or response. And every reaction or response leads us down a path that’s to our benefit or detriment. So, it’s best to practice emotional and relational intelligence in how you handle conversations, people, and situations. Because like it or not we can’t control other people and though we may not like or approve of how they approach or handled us, we are still accountable for self. And self-control is to master self even when people show us that they’re clearly out of control and treat us as though we don’t matter.

After all, one thing you can bet on is people will remember you for your ability to rise above and address issues in a respectable manner or for your lack of ability to keep it together. The choice is yours. So, choose wisely!

~In a perfect world everything would go as planned and everyone would meet your expectations, however, the world we live in is far from perfect, so expecting perfection especially from people is to set yourself up for frustration and disappointment.~ Coach Sam

~EXALTED ROYALTY A C. E. SAM COMPANY