Do You Speak Out Help or Hurt?

"Do You Speak Out Help or Hurt?" was inspired by a disagreement that I had with a person in my community. Although disputes are sometimes unavoidable, the fact of the matter is that we can still speak to people in our community, or in our personal and professional lives with respect, so that we are using our words to speak out help and helpful solutions to resolve our differences. ~Letters of the alphabet form the most important things we use to establish relationships, communicate how we feel, and tell others what we need and want – words. And yet too often words are the demise of personal and professional affairs, when they don’t have to be.~ Coach Sam

Words can be so simple to say and speak, yet, they are the key to the success or the failure of every area of our lives. In fact, there’s no area of our lives that we don’t need or use words, even if we may not physically speak with our mouth – we use letters, emails, text messages, and in some cases faxes, dm’s and inboxes. So, there’s no escaping the fact that without words our world would not exist. And it seemed fitting with Easter, (Resurrection Sunday) being tomorrow to speak on the power of words.

I know everyone doesn’t celebrate Easter or believe in the teachings of Jesus, still, as a believer and follower of Christ, this weekend means a great deal to me and to many other believers and followers of Christ. And when I think about the fact that Jesus used words to speak the world into existence that’s a powerful thing to know because I realize with my own mouth I create or destroy, and the Lord gave me, like you the freewill to choose.

So, I ask you in your relationships and life do you speak out help or hurt? Pain or gain? Blessings or curses? Your answers to what you speak directly affect the results of what you see in your life, how others interact with you and view you, and the path your life has and will take in the days to come. You author the life you want or don’t want. Yes, I know there are things that will happen that are out of our control.

Still, how do you handle the things that you can control? Do you speak positive affirmations or negative declarations? It matters, especially in your relationships. Don’t take for granted the lasting power of your words, especially as a lady. I know the men in our lives can push us to our limits, make us feel unvalued, unappreciated, or as though what we’ve said has went in one ear and immediately out of the other.

The compounded pressure to be mom, wife or girlfriend, employee or supervisor, daughter, sister, best friend and wear all the other hats that we do can indeed take a toll on us. So, at times when we are frustrated, overwhelmed, or stressed it’s easy to just say whatever comes to our mind, without giving much thought to the impact that those words will hold long after we’ve said them.

Now, if you do have this habit, I encourage you to do all you can to change it. More than we realize the men in our lives are just as emotional as we are, yet show it in very different ways. Long after you’ve said something that has hurt his feelings, you will see the results of that and may not understand exactly what is going on with him. When the fact of the matter is what you said was more than words, it was an injury to his emotional well-being. Now, it is on replay in his mind, but he doesn’t, in most cases, have the words to verbalize it to you or want to seem as though he’s not strong in your eyes.

As a man, he knows society’s standard is that he’s expected to just take and accept all the challenges and adversities of the world that life brings his way without crying about it. This sad reality creates a society of men who often will not express their hurts for fear of condemnation of us ladies labeling them as soft or weak. Unfortunately, it’s a double standard that they face as men. And repeatedly, I see parents today continuing the cycle of teaching their young sons to suppress when they’re hurt or have pain.

You may think no parent who loves their child would do that, but I encourage you to just think if you have a son how many times you’ve used a statement like oh you’re alright, you’re a big boy, boys don’t cry, or stop crying you’re a boy, or even telling him to get up after a fall without even asking if he was alright. And it’s not just parents even extended relatives, educators, and often times strangers treat little boys different from little girls when they see them experience pain.

Society somehow sees it as expected and acceptable for us as females from the time were young to express sadness in a way that’s it’s not for little boys. Yet, as women we wonder why men struggle with expressing emotions to us, or in most cases refuse to share their emotional insecurities, fears, or uncertainties with us. It starts there in their childhood and continues into adolescence, which follows them into adulthood.

Therefore, by the time he’s a man in the back of his mind regardless of how what you say may hurt his feelings or make him feel less than, he may never tell you. In the meantime, you’re doing damage and sometimes irreparable damage to your relationship with your words. Because while you can always go back and apologize, you can never unsay the words you released into the atmosphere. You can never make him not hear them. You can never make him not feel the emotions he felt when you spoke.

You may not want to hear that as a lady because you may feel to make your point, he needed to hear you speak a harsh or stern word. Well, no matter how you slice the pie, if you don’t value the men in your life, especially the man you’re dating or married to enough to pause before you speak, to evaluate if your message is going to make a mess, then that speaks to your mindset. Because no one wants to have or be in a relationship with an individual who doesn’t respect them, yourself included. And there is a way to speak out help instead of hurt so that he hears what you speak.


“Letters of the alphabet form the most important things we use to establish relationships, communicate how we feel, and tell others what we need and want – words. And yet too often words are the demise of personal and professional affairs, when they don’t have to be.” ~ Coach Sam

~Exalted Royalty~ A C. E. SAM COMPANY

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