Drop Mr. Right Now and Prepare for Mr. Forever

"Who is Mr. Right Now? Mr. Right Now is the guy that you have been holding on to and you know that he is not the one for you. He is inconsistent. He's a cheater, a manipulator, a liar, a taker not a giver. He's disrespectful, and verbally and or physically abusive. He has at least one or all of those toxic traits, and he has to go!"

Hey Sis, Hey! I know that there is a lot going on right now, and the last thing you want is someone telling you what to do, but just hear me out! Trust me, I am not the enemy. I love you and want the best for you. With that being said, it’s time to let go of Mr. Right Now!

Who is Mr. Right Now? Mr. Right Now is the guy that you have been holding on to and you know that he is not the one for you. He is inconsistent. He’s a cheater, a manipulator, a liar, a taker  not a giver. He’s disrespectful, and verbally and or physically abusive. He has at least one or all of those toxic traits, and he has to go!

During this time, Auntie Rona (COVID19) has had us on lock down,  and a lot of things have come to light. Other than the obvious unfortunate loss of lives and livelihoods, relationships have also taken a big hit. Divorce rates and domestic violence have risen to new heights as a result, and the reason for this is because many of us are settling instead of expecting.

I recently visited my family back home in Maryland this past January. Upon arrival, a guy that I used to talk to over 5 years ago, noticed via social media that I was coming into town. He reached out and asked if he could take me out. He and I had an off and on situationship that lasted all together about a year. I had always thought that he was a good catch. He was attractive, smart, educated, financially stable, a home owner, and self sufficient. The only thing that was missing was emotional intelligence. So, since it had been so long since our situationship, I figured that I’d see what he was up to, and accepted his invitation to dinner.

We had dinner and drinks, and had a nice evening. Although it had been so long since we communicated, in my opinion, we seemed to be able to talk as if we were still friends. When we were dealing with each other, he was very emotionally unattached. I wanted more than just a situationship with him, but he was clearly not in a state to have a real relationship at that time. During our conversation at dinner, he revealed that he was seeing a therapist who had helped him a lot with the issues he was battling with over the years. It seemed like he had changed. Although, at the end of the evening, he tried to sleep with me, it didn’t rub me the wrong way, because of the relationship we had in the past. I expected his advances, and only accepted his invitation because I was on my period, which automatically puts a wrench in anything going down sexually.

When I returned to Cali, he and I stayed in contact. We began talking a few times a week. During one of our conversations, he asked why we never had a real relationship. I told him that he didn’t want one, because he never asked me to be exclusive, and that’s why I eventually moved on, because I am the prize. He laughed at me and said, “No, I am the prize!” We went back and forth on this for a few seconds. He was insistent that he was the prize. Hey, I wasn’t going to argue with him, but at that moment, I knew that he was not the one for me. If he was the prize, then what did he need a woman for?

I used him as an example to paint a very real picture of the mindset of a lot of men today. Very few men see women as the prize because, in their eyes, we have no value other than our bodies. As women, we have focused only on showing our bodies, instead of showing our minds, and in doing so, men have taken our crown and put it on their heads. Women are so desperate to find love, we will put up with anything. This is the problem.

One of my quotes, “A scarcity mindset will keep you in a place of desperation,” speaks to this directly. We think that there are “no good men” out here, so we should just settle for what we can get. Cheating is the new norm, and should be expected because “men can’t be in monogamous relationships.” This is a lie that men tell us because they see that we no longer have any standards. Instead of doing what we need to do to elevate ourselves to attract the person we want, we shrink and settle for Mr. Right Now. This type of mentality will always have you stuck. Settling for anything less than God’s best will leave you confused, unhappy, and frustrated. 

Many people have lost their lives during this unprecedented pandemic, and if Auntie Rona has taught us anything at all, it is that we don’t have time to waste.  The problem with my friend is that after all these years, he still didn’t see my worth. I have a good head on my shoulders, not to mention, I am attractive, educated, ambitious, funny, supportive, talented, and a whole slew of other great qualities. I have always known that I am a great catch, but through ignorance and falling victim to how a culture sees women, I didn’t always act like it. I allowed myself to be in situationships, which didn’t show men that I thought that I was worthy of a real relationship. We teach people how to treat us, by how we treat them. Through soul searching, and personal and spiritual growth, I have seen the error of my ways.

Ladies, we have to get our crowns back. We do this by having standards and holding men accountable. As women, we have made it too easy for men today. They have learned that they can do the bare minimum, and still have continuous access to us. It’s unacceptable. Make him do some work! Make him work for your love. Teach yourself to say “no” when you have to. Hold him accountable to do the things he says he will do. Do what you need to do for yourself, to be independent of the need for the love of a man. If it’s losing weight, lose the weight. If it’s working on your relationship with God, work on your relationship with God. If it’s starting the business that you have been putting off for years, start the business. If it’s learning how to love again, read some books on relationships, listen to podcasts, and stop watching shows that only highlight toxic relationships. 

To get what you’ve never had, you have to do what you’ve never done! Take the crown off of men, and put the crown back on you. Do everything that you need to do, to attract everything that you want out of life. This requires having a new mindset, doing the preparation, and having an expectation. There is no sense in settling for Mr. Right Now when Mr. Forever is right around the corner.

~Love, Peace, and Blessings~

Chaunte’a Keturah

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