Setbacks are usually hiccups or speed bumps that do not actually stop you. They are more like those things that slows down progress making it a little harder to succeed. Have you ever been in the middle of watching your favorite television show to have it interrupted by a broadcast signal intrusion? The message played then you were able to continue watching afterwards. It did not completely stop your favorite show just interrupted it. You may have missed details but you were able to move forward. Well, we experience these setbacks emotionally as well. It throws us off our game, it’s like getting punched without warning. Takes a minute to regain momentum but it does not completely stop you. Even if you fall out you do not stay down. Emotional setbacks range from minor to major. The severity will determine how long the shake back will be, but with proper modalities in place you shall recover. There will be so much insight gained you will have tools to take immediate action should it happen again. It will also give you the ability to help the next person.
Emotional setbacks come in the form of a job loss, a break up, divorce, a loved one passing, a delay in reaching a goal, your child acting out, a friendship is rocky, unexpected expenses or having a big project fall through. Disappointments such as these are only a few examples that will cause an interruption emotionally. When facing any of them it is important to expect discomfort. A range of emotions are experienced when this happens. It is important to deal with each by identifying it, acknowledge your thoughts when this emotion presents itself and process why you are experiencing it. Journal therapy is a great tool in this case. It is a good idea to have a positive attitude during said times. It is so easy to fall into a mindset that will further trap you, so fight for yourself and your mental health. As stated earlier, learn and grow from the situation. There is a key that lies within all setbacks that opens the door to the shake back. It is up to you to access the key, unlock the door and thrive. Practicing self care during these times will also help in the process. Self care for someone whose relationship has ended looks like getting rid of everything that reminds you of the person especially if that includes gifts they purchased for you. If there were any sexual encounters a new mattress and bedding is vital. Proper connections during these times is something we often miss. If the setback was due to a failed relationship, connect with a relationship coach. They are available to help you walk through the process, provide tools and accountability to make sure you do not sink back in the cycle.
If a setback makes you feel like a failure you have a defeated mindset and may need a coach. This thought process stops you not the setback. The same way we keep pushing in delivery is the same effort we should display when pushing pass setbacks. You may not get it on the first few pushes but that one push comes that brings forth promise. Would you really quit during delivery? Would you really trap your promise in the birth canal, would you really give up halfway through the process? Rather than seeing this as a complete failure, accept how it really makes you feel and understand you are not a failure just because you have a setback. Anyone who wants to do anything of value in life experiences setbacks. Find inspiration that will help you to keep going. Avoidance strategies do not work, hiding your feelings or pretending you are okay only worsens the situation. Doing this suppresses the emotions that will show in everything you do as time progresses. Feel it! Give yourself time to grieve and be more concerned with your own well being than what others think of you. As I was told years ago, “let your heart break.”
Coping with disappointments properly is important to mental and physical health. There was a time in my life I did not know how to cope with the repeated disappointments. I was depressed and I would experience bouts of severe depression with every disappointment. I started to feel like my life was a disappointment and that mindset is what caused a complete halt in everything I had going on or desired. Pain killers became my go to. For a moment I did not feel it, I escaped if on for awhile and to me that was better than what I was feeling at the time. For example, failed relationships affected my ability to properly rest, focus on day to day task and eat. I overthought everything, that would keep me awake trying to analyze what went wrong, why it went wrong and what I could have done better. At the time I did not understand doing this was only piercing the wound. It was only making the hemorrhaging worse, it was causing a need for a transfusion. Focusing was a task in itself. Everything was neglected because I was consumed with thoughts of what I thought was a good thing. My eating habits changed. I was so gripped with pain it felt as though my intestines were constantly in knots. Therefore; my portion sizes decreased drastically, weight loss was immediate. The sadness, guilt, embarrassment, rejection, and humiliation surfaced at once at times or came forth as the process was being walked out. I have felt them all. Each came with pain points that took my breath away. A setback like this is debilitating depending on the investment made in the relationship. It felt like someone had died, I felt like I was grieving.
If you are experiencing a setback of any kind here are some healthy ways to unpack and process those emotions:
1. Feel what you are feeling.
2. Cry, shout, talk, or write it out. Use natural creativity to express your feelings. If you choose to talk it out be very careful about with whom you choose to open up to.
3. Learn form the process.
4. Seek proper counseling or a life coach.
5. Move forward.
LaToya Nicole #goingSOLO
