Facing Loneliness

Facing Loneliness

Loneliness is emotional separation and isolation.  It’s a state of feeling different and separated.  The most common cause of loneliness is rejection.  You can also cause your own loneliness by shutting yourself from people, or by being guarded and difficult.  Some people deal with loneliness by further isolating themselves.  


Poor Responses to Loneliness

Self-medicating – Some people use alcohol or drugs or excessive partying to deal with the pain.  However, this is only temporary and you compound your problems.

Promiscuity – Sex is a poor response to dealing with rejection.  It temporarily assures one that you are desirable and wanted, just to realize later that you don’t even like the person and you end up feeling like damaged goods.

New Relationships – Don’t let the fear of being alone lead you into a relationship with someone.  It may seem enjoyable at first but it may lead to disaster.

Over dependence on others – It is impossible for one person to meet ALL of your needs.  An isolated couple is a lonely couple.  They end up sucking the life out of each other.  It is better for a couple to live in community with others so they can get all of their relational needs met. 


Dealing with Loneliness


Being single isn’t all bad

God designed us first to be single.  You need to be complete as an individual before you enter into a relationship.  Wholeness means that your purpose is defined by God and not by what others expect of you.  One must move beyond neediness.  You must get to the point where you don’t need another person to feel complete.  Don’t build relationships on a foundation of neediness.  Until you are complete and whole, all your relationships will be problematic.

Remember: You are not in a less status because you’re not married.  Jesus was single and He was not less than anyone else.  


Enjoy Your Singleness

Sometimes we just need to be still and be lonely. Use this time to rediscover yourself and get in touch with what you want in life.  What did you put on hold for the sake of your previous relationship?  Find your identity in Christ and enjoy your alone time.  Take time to reflect on what caused the failure of your previous relationship?


Make New Friends

A lot of loneliness is self imposed.  We isolate ourselves.  God uses the people around us to give us perspective.  Surround yourself with the people of God who feed your soul.  Spend time with friends who build you up and challenge you to be better and reach higher.  You need an accountability partner to keep you on the straight and narrow path that leads to life. 


Serve Others

If you do an act of kindness for someone else, you will feel better.  Remember that there are others who are going through a similar experience.  There are so many people in need right now.  Reach out.  You may have to force yourself to do it.  But once you do, you will feel so much better.  You will have a sense of joy that you didn’t expect. 


Reach Out to God

God designed you so that only HE can meet your deepest relational needs.  It is in those dark moments when we make the faith decisions that change the course of our lives.  Deliverance comes when we make decisions to follow Christ from the place of darkness.  When God gives you the gift of loneliness He is telling you that no one can take that place.  NO ONE.

God is enough.  God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble

Reference : Divorce Care Workbook.  

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