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Fighting Fair

Fighting Fair: Is there a such thing?

So I woke up this morning with a phone with a really dear friend, frustrated that he and his long time girlfriend had a disagreement.  The funny thing is that the main part of the disagreement was not the actual issue, yet the time at which the disagreement (argument) would be discussed and/or take place.  After a very informative conversation with my friend and some sound advice that he took.  I continued to think about the situation and being that it’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month it made me start to think about: 

Fighting Fair

I then realized that most people (couples), don’t fight fair.  There is always something that they pull out of their hat, or they tend to hit below the belt, as in the heat of the disagreement/argument the only thing that most people are currently thinking about is how to make the other person feel as low as possible to get their own point across and/or push their own Agenda.  There are some common things that use in relationships need be aware of and that is to fight fair.  I know y’all are probably thinking how in the Hell “Do you fight fair”?  Well no worries, I am going to tell you. 

When you have a disagreement with your significant other where there is a disagreement that needs to be discussed the first thing is to know your partner, and know when things get heated what their go to is: 

Step One:

1. One person may want and need to talk right then and there and just get it over with 2. One person may need to walk away and gather themselves and their thoughts, so that they can return to the table and be sensible in the conversation.  

Step Two:

1. make sure that depending on what the disagreement is sometimes it’s ok to talk about it in that moment and other situations may call for some time to walk away and then come back to the table.  Know you mate, and be prepared to meet in the middle somewhere.  

Step Three: 

1. When you can return to the table and have the conversation, make sure that both parties are listening to understand 

2. Let the other person, get all of their thoughts out

3. Use Reflective Listening to either reflect back to them, repeat what they said, paraphrase, or re-phrase to be sure that you heard them correctly and you understand what they are saying

4. Try to understand their point of view from their perspective. In other words, put yourself in their shoes 

Step Four:

1. Check for understanding:  Clarify what was said, what you heard, what you understood your partner to be saying and confirm the end result. (the next action steps) 

2. Be sure not to use any derogatory terms, do not insult your partner for the sole purpose to hurt them, do not call them any names, and keep the conversation on the current issue.  Do not bring up something that happened months ago, that the two of you have already argued about. 

Finally, make sure that when you are having these heated discussion/arguing, that you are doing so from a place of LOVE.   Even when you on fire mad, if you Fight Fair and do it from a place of LOVE, it will be much better received, and there will be a much clearer understanding from both parties.  There will also be times when you just don’t agree and that’s ok, you can walk away with both parties feeling how they feel, however they would have been able to be heard and get their point across. 

In Love, 

Catt Miles 

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