Gas-light…

Hello everyone!!
Today’s blog takes a little detour from the tone of the others. By request, I have been asked to address an issue that unfortunately we have all faced, or possibly will in our lifetime. 

There is a little light that serves as an indicator in our vehicle, indicating that it is in need of fuel. Most cars will alert us early that the need is coming and we will have so many miles to travel before we run out of gas. This little light will shine in a color of caution orange to let us know exactly what our vehicle needs…we may almost hurt ourselves rushing to the station to refuel so we aren’t left on the side of the road!

But in our discussion, we’ll discuss another definition of this little light…
Oxford Languages defines gas-lighting this way: “to manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.” This can be done behind the scenes or in a very upfront, very verbal, and extremely emotional way. 
How can that be? A person knows if they are sane or insane and no one can make them question that…right?…WRONG.
 
In fact, gas-lighting is subtle, manipulative, emotionally abusing, cruel intimidation. Imagine someone switching something up on you that you will ABSOLUTELY take notice of, then they vehemently deny knowing anything at all about it…When you question them about this OBVIOUS change, they counter by saying; it is your imagination…you are becoming so paranoid…you are mistaken, nothing has changed. Now imagine that happening to you over, and over, and over again. Until your trusted confidant becomes the only sound voice, because they are correct…you must be losing your mind. 
Gas-lighting is one of the worst acts a person can perform on another. But it happens way too often to talk about. 

Why…

Reasons for this action vary, but studies show the main reason is POWER…we can define it as Punishing Others Without Ever Regretting…most who have been the “lighter” in the situation admit afterward that they sought control and power over the person they manipulated, and few were sorry about it. Control over the actions of others is our first indicator when looking for this tactic in our circle. Do we have someone who is displaying this behavior towards us? Let’s examine…

What it looks like…

• Phrases such as: You can’t remember anything (when you know your memory is not THAT bad to ALWAYS forget major events or even minor details), You are so all over the place (yes you’re a little scatterbrained at times, but who isn’t!), Nothing has changed (when you know good and well that EVERYTHING has changed and you are NOT imagining it)… These terms usually come from the “lighter” in a flippant, unconcerned tone. This is purposeful so as not to throw you off. They want you to believe you sound and you ARE irrational. These are not simple everyday words they are using either. If you notice a repeated pattern of this behavior, begin to look for that caution light…
• Another indicator is pure manipulation. The “lighter” will often use your actions against you to turn themselves into the victim. An example of this looks this way: The “lighter” starts a conversation in a certain tone, carries that tone, and uses that tone against you; no doubt provoking you to join in. So you too begin to express that same tone, simply giving what you are getting and wanting to be understood, when all of a sudden YOU are the aggressor. Why are you yelling at them? Why are you so angry? You are out of complete control… Oh how manipulative. How can a person truly see the light when being kept in the dark…It isn’t easy, but it is definitely possible…

Turn off the light…

So…in our literal vehicles this little light is a call to action. It is a warning for us to do something. Give the car fuel…The same is the case when we believe we are the target of a “lighter” who is looking to gas-light us and use it as their fuel. How do we handle it?…

1. Trust Yourself. You are not irrational nor are you in the wrong here. Control and power are typically the reasons for this abuse, nothing you have done can ever warrant this abuse. Trust that you are not this person the “lighter” has made you believe you are. Trust that your intentions are pure and that YOU are the one being abused. You are the actual victim. Trust yourself to let yourself feel that truth. It will start the process. 

2. Seek Help. You are absolutely not alone in this. At all. Many of us have seen some if not all of these behaviors of others and it is actually quite common in close circles. Asking for help does not make you scared, it keeps you from being scarred. You can reach to me for a great discussion on how to break free or I can refer to you my wonderful professional friends to help us devise the best plan for you. 

3.Keep Driving…I had to take it back to the car itself as I always do! The best way to turn off the gas-light is to give your car what it needs. In this case, the best way to turn off THIS gas-light is to give YOU what YOU need. No one can control a car that you already have control over. You are in the driver’s seat, you are buckled in, you have your hands on the wheel. Drive. This is YOUR car, not theirs. YOU decide where it goes and how fast it gets there…not them. The more confident you are as a driver, the more the light will dim. Eventually you will become less of a target and more of a light yourself…and believe me...YOUR light is more brilliant than any gas-light imaginable! 

Thank you for listening and thank you to the one who requested this blog, I am with you all and my sincerest hope is for your true happiness, please take care…

Coach Teena Marie