How Many Times Did He Tell You No?

"How Many Times Did He Tell You No?" is today's blog post inspired by a situation in my own life, where I found myself telling the individual more than once we are not a good fit for each other, yet, the individual had a hard time receiving my answer as no. ~Sometimes in life we fail to recognize that an individual we see as worthy and worth it is telling us no, and the failure to recognize it keeps us going in circles with them, spending our time on a situationship or in a relationship that’s going nowhere ~Coach Sam

I know you’re like what? Told me no – about what? Well, about him seeing you in his future. You see, sometimes what we are looking for as ladies is direct and brutal honesty from the men we are interested in or dating. However, we must recognize that God did not wire and create men like us ladies and they don’t think like us ladies either.

That’s why simple things that can upset us or make us cry have them looking at us like what in the world is wrong with this woman and why is she so emotional and upset over nothing. We’re different and it’s those differences that separate our genders and why we bring different and distinct things to the table of our relationships and benefits into the lives of those we call friends and family.

And that’s a good thing because we need diversity in the world and our differences give us something to talk about and explore as we build relationships, business ventures, and do life with men in both the professional and personal space. So, the objective is to understand the language they speak and how that language differs from ours.

Because it’s their language that we need to heed to save ourselves time and energy. Take for example you asked him how does he see you, but his answer is vague or unclear to you. So, you then ask him to further explain, yet, his response leaves you more confused. Problem! Yes, ma’am, it’s a problem.

You’re asking him a simple question. His response should not make you more confused about your worth and value to his life and in life then what you were before you asked him. His response actually translates to no, I don’t see you in my future. Ouch! I know, but just think about those in your inner circle that you cherish and adore. You value them and certain traits that they have. You know that without them in your life you’d feel a void of some kind, which doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic.

And you may be saying I didn’t ask him about the future, I asked him about me. However, do know that the question, how do you see me as it relates to your personal relationship is one that’s indirectly tied to the future. And his future to be precise because what you are in essence asking him is does he see you as important and anything important to us is something we want to keep.

Just think about your car keys or house keys. If I ask you, how do you see them, while you may not say important or valuable your response would be related to those two words because we all know you can have the baddest car on the planet, customized to the t, straight off the showroom floor, but if you don’t have keys to operate it, where are you going in it… That’s right – nowhere. You need those keys to operate that car to get you where you want and need to go.

The same goes for your house keys. Loose your only house key and tell me that you wouldn’t be frustrated or upset. Why? Because your house key as small as it is, as cheap as it may have been for the landlord or manufacturer to make for you is highly valuable and important to you. You take it with you when you leave your house. You lock your door with it to keep unwanted and uninvited people from freely walking in when you’re gone.

And you wouldn’t dare see it at work, know you’re leaving work for the day and leave your house key there. Not your only copy. No way. Because when you get to your house you want and need to be able to have access to your home. So, when and if a man you’re dating can’t answer or give you a reassuring response to a simple question such as how do you see me, he doesn’t see you sis.

I know that’s rough to hear, but any man that has been dating you for a while, meaning several months or especially years should not be struggling to answer that simple question. The only way it should be a struggle is if he’s not talking to you. Yes, you can be in a relationship or situationship where the guy is not talking to you. Hence the friends with benefits or we’re just kicking it or talking.

And still in those cases, he’s answered you. Friends with benefits is not a definite relationship and neither is a just kicking it or we’re talking situation. In both cases, he’s just told you no, you don’t have a place in my future. I don’t see you as wife material. I don’t want to be with you long term. You may not have heard that, but he said it loud and clear. The question is do you want that and are you willing to accept that.

I imagine if you are asking him how he sees you that you are seeking to know if he wants to commit to you or if he sees committing to you as an option. So, I’m telling you not to keep going in circles with him telling you no. You will end up frustrated, sad, angry, and mad by doing so. And please note there are several questions you can ask a man that will reveal his intentions for you and to you.

But for the sake of today’s blog, I focused on that one because I know as ladies, we want the men in our lives to see us as valuable. And guess what Queens there’s nothing wrong with that and you deserve any man in your life, to see and treat you as such, especially when he wants to turn around and have access to be in your house and lay in your bed.

~Sometimes in life we fail to recognize that an individual we see as worthy and worth it is telling us no, and the failure to recognize it keeps us going in circles with them, spending our time on a situationship or in a relationship that’s going nowhere ~Coach Sam


Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email