Hurt does not have to be your normal

Self-Mastery is impossible to obtain when we are holding on to hurt and pain. This article shares a few tips to help you overcome hurt through healing from the inside out.

Your life came to be with pain, you will experience pain and it may end with pain.¬† Unfortunately it is unavoidable!¬† However, staying hurt from painful experiences does not have to be your default mode.¬† Because we are raised under the wings of others who may or may not have known what is best for us, we carry some burdens that are not our own.¬† These burdens, in this case are the negative thoughts we have about ourselves, abuse for which we feel responsible, feeling undeserving, an inability to trust, a mindset of lack, holding grudges and the list goes on.¬† All of those paradigms are rooted in hurt of not getting our emotional needs met as a child and not knowing how to get them met now.¬† What I know is that most of us are very low in emotional intelligence and it was not fault of our own that we didn’t learn it.¬† However, now it is up to us to become emotionally educated and begin the process of healing from past hurts and living a full life that demands us to lay down what is not ours to carry.¬†

The first step in healing from hurt and pain is naming the hurt.¬† Some of us are too prideful to admit that we are hurt and pride will kill any attempt at joy and fulfillment.¬† It’s called self-talk.¬† Just say, “he hurt me, she hurt me and I want to learn how to forgive them and forgive myself for holding on to it for so long”.¬† ¬†This is positive, affirming and it untethers you from an unknown outcome.¬† The next obvious step is to work towards forgiveness and I will admit that it is not easy for some.¬† But,¬† it becomes easier with practice and growth.¬† Then we practice self-awareness.¬† This means giving yourself some space to think about what you are thinking and feeling before reacting.¬† In this practice, you will learn how you experience life through your emotions and hopefully you will learn how irrational you truly are.¬† You have heard the term, “hurt people, hurt people”?¬† Yes, you have and it is true.¬† Holding on to hurt demands space in your mindscape and heartscape.¬† And, it is a big gapping, dark, ugly space, that does not allow for any of those wonderful giving emotions to reside.¬† Inevitably, you will be the person that hurts others.¬† Hurt and pain robs and steals, kills and destroys everything that it touches.¬† Now, I want to be clear and transparent.¬† ¬†There is logic behind the function of hurt from a survival perspective.¬† Fact: Humans and a species of chimp are the only species that purposefully abuses it’s own kind for¬† reasons other than survival.¬† ¬†When we harbor hurt and hurt is triggered, the actions that come forth are designed to protect you¬† from other humans who may hurt you.¬† Many people cling to this coping mechanism as if their life depended on it and unfortunately they will never experience the joys of life.¬† Self-awareness is also “checking” yourself.¬† ¬†You probable check others very well in your day to day tongue lashings and yes, that comes from a place of hurt.¬† So now you can practice on yourself.¬† Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you¬† make yourself aware that “you were so wrong for that”, “you are angry, so just take a moment to think”, “I don’t have to say it just because I’m thinking it”, “there may be another explanation, I’m emotional right now and am jumping to conclusions”.¬† ¬†As Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. suggests, “be impeccable with your words” to yourself and others.¬† Self-talk is self-awareness, self-awareness is self-talk and I promise that you will need to master these skills towards healing from hurt and learning to love you.¬† ¬†Hurt does not have to be your normal.¬† You deserve LIFE.¬†

Be blessed and remember to take your best self into each and every day!!

Your Counselor & Coach, 


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