I Don’t Want to…But I Will

When your peace of mind is the most important thing.
I value cleanliness, neatness, and order. They’re directly connected to my peace of mind. Clutter and dirt make me anxious and depressed. I didn’t always know this about myself, though.
Growing up, my mother had a hard time getting me to clean and keep my room neat. She was also a Virgo. That should tell you a lot right there. πŸ˜πŸ˜‚
Ironically, I was very depressed as a child, so I wasn’t too motivated to do much more than the bare minimum in my life anyway. Cleaning was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. It was uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and took too much damn energy! So Mommy was always on my head about getting it done. I resented cleaning with a passion.
It wasn’t till I moved out on my own and started adulting in my own space that I began to see the correlation between cleaning and my peace. I still hated doing it, but I noticed how much better I felt when things were sparkling, neat, and orderly. I could think more clearly and my spirits were higher. Over time, it became very apparent to me that I needed to clean not just because it’s the sanitary thing to do, but if I wanted to be at peaceβ€”like it or not.
It’s 2021 and I still don’t really like cleaning. Although we now have many conveniences that make it waaaay easier than it was back in the day (πŸ™πŸΎπŸ™πŸΎπŸ™πŸΎ), and I’m much more amenable to certain aspects of it, I still find some of it uncomfortable and painful. But what I’m super clear about is how I FEEL when my space is clean and orderly: totally at peace. So regardless of how I feel about cleaning, it gets done regularly, because my peace is a thousand times more important than the little bit of discomfort that cleaning brings me.
What’s something you do to maintain your peace, that you don’t like? Have you always done it? If not, when did you begin, and what got you there?
My peace is unavailable for dirt and clutter.

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