I know what you said but your actions say something else

Do you remember being young finding a flower and picking all the petals off? One petal you’d say, “he loves me” the next petal you’d say “he loves me not.” Then you’d continue the pattern until you got down to the very last petal. Do you remember how exciting it was if your last petal was the “he loves me” petal? The good ole days right? Who would have ever thought we’d play that same game as adults? Have you ever found yourself dealing with someone and you could just feel the inconsistency? You could feel that you were giving more than them. They stuck around, but everything seemed out of balance? You know what you’ve been through already, but with this person you want to give them the benefit if the doubt. However, things just keep feeling off. Well, what do you do? Do you continue to ignore your feelings until they do something big enough you can’t ignore? Do you ask them for clarity on your feelings? What would be your response to this? Well lets say you asked them to clarify your feelings. You both talk and you address your concerns, and they assure you they are all about you. They tell you everything is fine and to just relax. So you do just that. However, shortly after you both talk and basically “hash things out” you get those feelings again. Well, before jumping to conclusions this time you ask yourself “what exactly are they doing to make me feel this way?” You tell them you love them and they say “you too.” They act one way in private and somewhat different around certain people. You show them love and compassion on different levels. They seem as though they receive it, but they have a hard time giving you what you give them. They constantly reassure you with words, but their actions always put you in a tough position. So what do you do? Often some of us will “go with the flow” until things hit so hard you have no choice but to accept the fact you’ve been ignoring the signs. I want you to know we’ve all been there. What you’re feeling is completely normal and there is hope for better results with your partner. You must stand firm in what life has already taught you. They say when you know better you do better right? In addition, it is also known that when you don’t learn the lesson it repeats until you do. Do you want to keep going through the same things? You don’t have to. After you learn to stand firm in what you know, assure yourself that you are worth what you give. If you’re loving, understanding, and compassionate, why cant your partner be the same? Setting healthy boundaries will help you not get stuck in places of uncertainty as well. Hearing someone say you teach people how to treat you seems kind of ehhh, but it is definitely true. When you show people you value yourself and inconsistency is a dealbreaker, they learn to handle you with more care if they don’t want to lose you. Also, it is very important to know the difference in something not being perfect and something not being right for you. Take time to reflect on these things. If you’re single, how will this help you in your next relationship? If you’re already in a relationship, can this help you? We’re striving for healthy relationships in 2021! -Lori G. Clark

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