I have wrestled with the topic of my blog post for a few days. I have no idea why because I knew what the topic needed to be this week. This message has been on my heart for a few years and it is time to share. The quote this week is about adjusting sails and fits perfectly.
In my 20s, I thrived and did the things I wanted to do with my education and career. I dated and I believed that eventually marriage would come when it was time. I met the man who would become my husband at 28. Things progressed and prior to his deployment in 2012 we moved into together. He returned home in 2013 and we married in 2014. I thought my mind was open and I was ready to “fall back” to his career or so I thought. Once the honeymoon phase was over, life hit and we realized the need for real communication but we had no clue how to get to a place of healthy communication. We sought help and I learned so many things during that process. I learned that I did not fully grasp how much supporting my husband in his military career consumed my life. I understood sacrifice but not the concept of consumption. His military career consumed every inch of my life and I never considered the impact on my dreams or emotional wellbeing. I had completely taken myself out of the equation. After all I felt it would be selfish to complain about my husband’s career which secured our financial wellbeing and it was also a place that provided him with an opportunity to grow in so many areas of his life. What about my growth?
One day something changed. The “lightbulb” came on. I realized that I could still make career moves and I needed to reestablish my identity. I needed to reevaluate my life and start with small goals of things I wanted to accomplish and focus on my purpose in life. Most importantly I needed to establish boundaries. I needed to stop making excuses and take steps to do things for myself. One of those things was to open my business. While we may have a couple of moves left in my husband’s military career, I found something that I enjoy that can easily follow me wherever we are. Boundaries!!! Boundaries are not easy but the more you enforce them the more your boundaries become a part of your normal routine. A couple of the boundaries I developed was that during dinner there should be no phones, his job can wait a few minutes and I set aside time for me. I use my time to do business activities, read or just anything I need to do. It was important to establish that while the military is a big part of our daily lives, I needed to be proactive of taking control of my life and not creating excuses for things I could not accomplish because of my husband’s career. Additionally, I communicated my needs to by husband and we have created a balance that works for us. Often times we give up control to easily and forget to normalize as much as possible. I gave in to easily to my husband’s career without creating a new normal for myself, where I continued to do things that were important for me to accomplish. It is never to late to create a new path in order to accomplish the things that are important to you. You may be in a similar situation where your spouse’s career seems to dominate ever area of your life. First thing is to ensure you communicate your needs or goals to your spouse. Your happiness matters too. Next take a step back, establish new goals, set boundaries and stay true to you. Lastly, continue to communicate with your spouse. Your spouse cannot support your dreams if you do not communicate your needs. Define your purpose and live in it!