I have surely had my fair share of failed relationships in the past, and there came a time when I had to do some self-reflection. What I have been challenged to do in my single season, was figure out where I went wrong in my relationships.
My single season has taught me a few things. Firstly, I am not all that and a bag of chips. Previously, I thought that I was the full package. I am pretty, smart, and ambitious, and I can cook like your grandmother. All of those things are great, but when I was forced to dig deeper, I realized that I was insecure. My insecurity was masked by my pride. I was and still struggle with pride. I always thought that having pride was a good thing as long as it didn’t hurt anyone. My pride showed up in my relationships when I thought that I was too good of a person to be mistreated. The guys I chose showed me differently. While I never caught any of them cheating, I was faced with physical and verbal abuse, as well as manipulation to do things I wouldn’t have done on my own.
Secondly, I was unfulfilled in life. I didn’t see a clear purpose for myself. I was so focused on becoming a wife before the age of 30, that I neglected what I needed to do for myself. I loved myself but I wasn’t in love with myself. I wasn’t fat but I was overweight. I didn’t like how I looked in my clothes. I was a hard worker, but I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do.
Thirdly, my relationship with God wasn’t where it should have been. I prayed a lot, but it was only because I wanted a quick come-up. I wanted a million dollars so that I could help my family and claim financial freedom. I wanted God to send my husband so that I could have the family that I dreamed about when I was a young teenager. I wanted to flex on all my exes who didn’t see my worth. I was seeking God for the wrong reasons.
These revelations helped humble me. I was expecting more out of life than what I was putting in. My relationships hadn’t worked because I wasn’t right with myself, thus causing me to lower myself and my standards, to entertain people who wouldn’t normally be on my level. It’s not to sound cocky or anything like that, but in every relationship, I knew that I could do better.
When I took control over the things that I was insecure about, it changed everything. My perspective changed. I worked on my pride. I had to get comfortable with asking for help if I needed it. I to hold myself to the higher standard that I set for myself when I was younger, and practice living with morals and self-worth. I deserve better so I am doing better. Some of you are in relationships that aren’t working out, and you don’t know why. Ask yourself if is there something within that you need to work on. Are you working towards becoming the best version of yourself? Have you lowered your standards? If so, why?
It’s time for some of us to do some self-reflection and keep it 100 with ourselves. This is the perfect time to do so because many of us have only been left with time during this season of quarantine life. Use it to become who you know that you were made to be. Relationships are important, but the best relationship that you can have, outside of God, is the one that you have with yourself. So let’s do the work that needs to be done on the inside so that we can stop entering into these 50/50 relationships and start being blessed with 100/100 relationships.
~Love Peace & Blessings