Love or infatuation?

Have you ever run into a person that blew you away? The way that they dress, the way that they talk, how they interact with people, everything just makes your heart melt. Have you experienced that? They interact with you, and things seem to go well. As much as you want to tell them how you feel, you play it cool. You continue to keep things brief, but your body language is giving them all the signals they need to know. Eventually, they make their move. You both begin to hang out and get a little more familiar with each other. It didn’t take long before things got intimate between you two, and all seemed to be going well. The more you see them doing their thing, the more you fall. You see them on social media posting pictures with their kids; so, you automatically assume they’re a great dad and will be a great partner. You see how people interact with them; so, you automatically give them a high level of respect. (If only we knew how deep and how easy we can get ourselves caught up by being so taken by someone, that in reality hasn’t done anything for YOU.) As time goes on you continue to deal with them, but eventually your heart craves more from them. Although they’re giving you time, attention, and intimacy, you feel a void of some sort. You eventually realize the void you feel is a lack of love from them. You talk to them about it, but they explain to you that you’re thinking too deep. You don’t want to push them away, so you roll with it. You meet their friends and family, but they never really give you a real commitment. You tell yourself “it’s coming, we wouldn’t be doing all this together if it wasn’t.” Well, it is a year later. One year turned into two years then quickly turned into three. By this time y’all are living together. Your lover gives you sex and attention, but there is no real love. Now you’re starting to really see it. They give you attention but don’t make you feel like a priority. They give you sex, but it’s not very passionate. They take you around people they care about, but that feels like a common thing they do. They don’t talk about the future, they don’t talk about making plans for the future, marriage is nowhere in sight, so what do you do? Things aren’t technically “bad”, but you want more. You have a deep passionate feeling for them. You’ll do anything for them, but you don’t feel like they will give you the same. What do you do now? Well, take a moment to go all the way back to the beginning. What exactly did they do WITH you to make you fall so hard? Everything that you admired were things about them personally. You realize a person taking care of a child doesn’t automatically qualify them to be a great lover. You realize people being interactive with them doesn’t make them automatically a good lover. You think deeper and deeper, and you realize you were just going through the notions. In your mind you were so taken away by them, you didn’t give them a chance to prove they felt the same about you. I know what you may be saying “well why did they go along with everything? Didn’t they show love?” One harsh reality about people is, sometimes they will go with what makes them comfortable and/or feels right AT THE TIME. They went along with everything because they felt comfortable and their needs were being met. They didn’t have to do any real work or put in any real effort. You may never get the same passion and feelings from them that you gave. BUT THAT’S OKAY. Decide for yourself what you want to do. Do you want to stay and hope they meet you where you are? Or do you count your losses and learn the lesson from it? Either way it is YOUR LIFE. You have the right to disconnect from anything not truly fulfilling you. And you also have the right to stay involved with something as long as you want to. Just know when you stay, you are showing that you’re tired but not fed up enough to want better. You deserve everything you givr and more. – Lori G. Clark

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