Love or lust?

Have you ever asked yourself, "what does real love look like?" If you have allow me to give you a little insight on what love should look and feel like, after all that's what we all desire right?

In my working with people I come across this question quite often, “How do I know if this is love?”

Love is such a beautiful thing when we experience the purity of it; but on the other hand, love, when thwarted and misrepresented can leave us feeling empty and broken instead building us up. I’d like to give you a few clues of when you’ve come across real love versus when you’ve encountered lust. 

There are things we can look for when we are on a journey to connect with other’s on an intimate level. It is very important for us to understand that our heart is not a play thing, our heart is something very special and should be taken care of as such. When we value something we guard it, we protect it and make sure that it is well taken care of it. This should be our standpoint for our heart because it is with our heart that we connect to others. Our heart is our mind, will and emotions and therefore when connecting to other’s this is the area where we will find a quick automatic connection. Here is the trick though, when we first connect with someone, we must exercise self-control over our emotions and not allow them to consume us. When we see something we like our first reaction will be attraction and if there is chemistry then we will find an interest to pursue that feeling we feel on the inside. So with that being said I just want to give you 3 signs that you could be dealing with true love or 3 signs that you could be dealing with lust or infatuation. 

Real love

1. There’s peace. When you experience true love you will not feel a pull to and fro. Even if you find your personal life in a state of some sort of “chaos” (because life happens), you will still feel an inner peace within you when interacting with this person. When you’re around them you sense the peace and stillness. 

2. It’s patient. When dealing with real love, it will take it’s time. So if the other person really sees themselves with you, they will allow time to take it’s course instead of rushing things and trying to force something to happen. When you meet someone it’s a natural instinct to have that feeling of excitement to see one another, that’s totally normal. But regardless of that excitement, you both will exhibit patience with one another and the growth of the relationship. 

3. It’s kind. When you find true love and once interacting with each other for some time, you will notice that the person treats you with a sense of kindness and gentleness. They are not rude and condescending but with their words they build you up. They desire to see the best in you therefore they will do whatever necessary to help you feel better about yourself. Their words are life and truth even when they have to confront they will do it in kindness. 


1. It comes with a rush, rush feeling. Hey we all get excited when we meet someone and we want to be with them all the time. But with lust you will notice that it will begin to consume you. You won’t even be able to go about your daily tasks because you are so consumed with the thought of this person. You miss your appointments, stay up too late and your late for work or school, you loose yourself and any discipline you may have had over this relationship. Lust consumes and it comes with a rushy feeling, like everything has to happen now. Attraction and desire is normal, but to be overtaken by it and loosing oneself over it is not. When that happens then we’ve crossed the line and have allowed lust to consume us. 

2. it is impatient. When you are dealing with lust, it hates to wait. Maybe at first when the person is trying to win you over they may act a certain way but with time if the person feels like you are not giving them the attention they “deserve”, they will become impatient and guilt you about it. Lust wants everything now. Instead of waiting and getting to know each other little by little, lust demands and is consumed with getting everything all at once. You will feel rushed with lust. 

3. It is rude. When a person is full of lust they are after one thing and that is not your best interest. They are looking to satisfy themselves. Lust is a very selfish thing, it does not think about the other person but only itself. They are not looking to build you up, but you will feel like you are performing and having to keep up this image for the person to find interest in you. It is very rude in the sense of it doesn’t care what it says or how it makes you feel so long as they get what they want. They are harsh with their words and tear you down because again they don’t care about you they care about themselves. 

Love and lust are two different things; love gives and lust takes. We all deserve to be with someone who wants to love us the correct way. Love is so beautiful because it is a mutual thing, you do for me and I do for you but it is done out of a place of love. You put each other first so therefore, both of your needs are being fulfilled. It is so important to equip yourself with knowledge and truth when entering into a season of dating. You don’t want to find yourself wrapped up with lust but wrapped up in love. If we take the correct steps we can possibly prevent ourselves from unnecessary heartache.   

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