ME CD

Loving Myself

I started truly loving myself June 1, 2016 after my divorce was final May 27th. My divorce broke me mentally because I didn’t understand what I had done. I was a loving, supporting, sexual and spiritual wife giving my all in our relationship. Although my ex-husband’s grounds for divorce was I made his life intolerable to live. How did I make his life intolerable to live. While in court the Judge told him that he didn’t have grounds for divorce and by the sounds of it he made my life intolerable to live. And if he didn’t show grounds in his next statement that he would have to wait 18 months and file for divorce again. At that point I raised my hand and asked the Judge if I could ask my ex- husband one question. He granted me permission. I asked my ex- husband if he still loved me. My ex-husband looked me dead in the eyes and said NO I DON’T.  As I looked at him all I could see was relief. He finally said what he felt. I looked at the Judge and said we don’t have to wait 18 months. I can’t see myself married to a man that does not love me. He asked me if I was sure. I said yes sir. 

My ex-husband telling me he didn’t love me hurt me to my core. We got married on our 7th year anniversary of us meeting and had lived as husband and wife for 84 days before he moved out. During those 7 years we did have several disagreements and breakups. But when he proposed to me September 6, 2015 I just knew that those disagreements and breakups was worth it. 

For 3 days I was depressed. I cried and prayed. Like I said, I didn’t know what I had done wrong. And on June 1st, I said no more. I put all my love in a man and forgot about loving myself. I got up took a hard look in the mirror. I didn’t even recognize the person I was looking at. I used smile, have fun, participate in church activities, be with family, go on trips, go to the gym, all the things I enjoyed doing. During those 7 years all the things I enjoyed stopped because he didn’t like me doing the things I enjoyed without him. Don’t get me wrong we did enjoy one another. Anyway, back to when I started loving myself. after looking in the mirror, I realized that I stopped loving myself. I got dressed, went to the gym, signed up and started working on me. I started fasting and praying for God to restore me the way he intended me to be. My smile came back, friendships revived, started back being active in church, and I lost 38lbs of the 85lbs I had gained during those 7 years and 10 months. 

I’ve been divorced for 4 years now. In these past 4 years loving myself has made a world of difference. I’ve gained confidence, self- worth, and down to 210lbs. I’m fulfilling  my purpose being a Live Coach to help others, along with writing my book, Trying to Make a Puzzle Piece Fit. 

Growth is painful, Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong. 

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