The weight of brokenness developed in me as a fatherless child growing up without my father and throughout the years of adolescence and adulthood. When my parents divorced when I was only 10 years old, it affected me in so many areas of my life and I carried the wounds of rejection, neglect, insecurities, low self-esteem, bitterness and unforgiveness throughout most of life. A major turning point happened to me and it was that particular that changed the trajectory of my life. It was a transformation that allowed me to gain a new perspective of becoming the better me. I didn’t know that I needed healing because I normalized my pain and dysfunction for many years. My inner pain became the captivity of my soul that kept me in bondage. We must understand that our soul is made up of three parts, our emotions, our will to make decisions and our mindset. When our souls are not connected to the Spirit of God, we find ourselves lost, misplaced, confused and disoriented. It brings a lifestyle of bondage. It started early for me to say the least. When you have seeds of toxicity weighing you down, it makes you broken on the inside and silently trying to find a resolution to the problem. It makes you embarrassed to even accept that you are miserably unhappy with life and even by doing things or accomplishing things you love, it still doesn’t lift the weight. It’s like having a migraine headache and taking aspirin to alleviate or to block the pain. That would be considered a temporary fix because the root of the problem isn’t cured by blocking or alleviating the pain. The cure is a permanent fix because it treats the condition by pulling up the root of internal pain by releasing or detoxing for the sake of purification and cleansing. Heavy baggage is like toxins that pollute, ferment and poison that which is within the soul. The internal baggage is years of brokenness of unhealed wounds that continue to bleed and creates hemorrhaging of the soul. The weight is heavy but how would you know how heavy it feels when you’ve carried it for so many years? You become accustomed to the weight, although you have become suppressed by the pain. The suppressed pain is what can negatively trigger our behavior, our perception, our perspectives, our choices and our beliefs. Years of brokenness just doesn’t fade away with time, if not healed it becomes worse and the pain either becomes numb or it becomes critically sensitive. No matter how intelligent we are or how many degrees we have earned, brokenness affects millions of people. Our pride helps us to overshadow those feelings because we tend to be in denial of these feelings and we make ourselves more live victims where it’s always the other person’s fault for the way they make us feel. For many years we hide the pain by professionally masquerading the wounds. This affects our abilities to become free, forgiving of ourselves and others, embracing our identity, and finding courage, confidence to believe that we are beautifully and wonderfully made through Christ! We have to take that risk by really believing that and also accepting the fact that it is okay to be broken, as long as we are broken in the arms of God. It took most of my life to understand that. It may not be your fought for what happened to you in life but it is surely your responsibility to receive inner healing! Healing is a process! It’s not instant but had to take the leap of faith, do the work to heal and to be made whole from the inside out and it all started from the pain of my past that I had to let go!
