Narcissistic vs. Empath: The Problem with Labels

I was where you are, doing research to try to figure out how I ended up in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. I came across the term narcissism. I watched countless videos and read numerous articles on the traits and characteristics that fit a narcissistic man. I then labeled my ex as such based on my findings. But, I didn’t end there; I then went on to label myself an empath. I had to figure out what was wrong with me, why and how did I allow myself to be and stay in this unhealthy, emotionally draining place for years? Ahaaa! I found the answer after years of contemplating what could be wrong and how I could fix it. I finally thought I found the solution through my diligent study, tears, and prayers. I am an empath, and he is narcissistic. Followed by a huge sigh, I thought, “Now I can work on this relationship. Now I can address all of our problems, because I am “informed.” I could give him more time and chances. I could be more patient with him because clearly he had another problem — he was suffering from PTSD. THAT is what led him to exhibit his narcissistic behavior. He was raised in a tough environment and had to protect himself by being “this way.” I will just pray and fast for more love and kindness toward him. I can looooove him through this phase of his life. I’m the one that can heal him back to a healthy loving place. Then he will treat me right, appreciate me, love me, hug me, listen to me, cherish me……get the picture?


Because I had “found” these labels for us, this led me to placing myself in bondage for several more years. This was my excuse to work harder on the relationship, “to do more.” It allowed me to create lies for myself to stay in a relationship that was not doing me any good. Labeling myself an empath gave me a reason to “feel” more compassion and empathy for my then fiance to the detriment of myself, causing me to stay in a cycle of doubt, self correction, and emotional turmoil.


So what did I do? I had an old-fashioned convo with the Lord. Who? The Great I AM, The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob…….and KRISTY. I went back to God for the millionth time and took my relationship to Him with all of my research and LACK of results. The result was clarity, that as a Christian my identity lies with who God says I am, and that identity DOES NOT include society’s label of empath.


Please be careful when you find yourself in a situation similar to mine — where you allow yourself to be deceived by these labels. Although you have good intentions, the results can be catastrophic. I am blessed to have taken God’s advice and was able to move on, end that relationship, and heal by God’s grace and mercy. I am not special; if He did it for me, the Great I AM, will do it for you!! I love you ladies even though we have never met and I am praying for you.

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