SHARON MCCUTCHEON ETJ PCVQM UNSPLASH AF

Not Happy But Not Miserable Type Of Union/ Relationship

The crumbs aren’t satisfying. It is an imitation of a real meal but it doesn’t come close to being satisfactory.

Settling is quite popular these days. Especially since portraying the appearance of a happy and perfect life on social media is the norm. For some people, being able to change the relationship status on FB/ IG and post couple photos for likes and hashtag #relationshipgoals is of way more significance than true happiness. Looking happy to others is often prioritized than actually being happy.

The unfortunate and sad reality is that some of us don’t believe we deserve to be happy. Some of us think that having someone is better than no one. Others are ok with just having someone who is better than their exes. When you have been love starved for a very long time, then having some crumbs come your way may seem like a miracle. In fact, the little crumbs you get may taste so good that you’d rather feed off that than to wait for a fulfilling meal that lasts a lifetime. 

I know what it’s like to be in these unfulfilling unions. While I was in these types of situation-ships I knew deep down that I wanted more and that true happiness was possible for me. Looking back from where I stand now I know that those unions had to end in order for me to grow and learn several valuable lessons.

Lesson 1. — I am way more peaceful alone than I was in those lackluster unfulfilling relationships.

Lesson 2. — Weak boundaries is what permitted things to go further than they should have.

Lesson 3. — God (Yahawah) was missing from my past relationships. He had no part in it. Regardless of the man saying he believed and joined me in quick prayers, I did not carefully evaluate how they lived which would have shown me who they really were vs who they tried to present themselves as had I payed closer attention.

Lesson 4. — My emotional and spiritual needs were neglected. When dealing with a narcissistic person one common feeling is that emotional disconnect. No matter how strongly you feel towards the other person, you can still feel the disconnect from them. Not having a man who is on the same spiritual path as myself was a distraction for me. 

Lesson 5. — The crumbs aren’t satisfying. It is an imitation of a real meal but it doesn’t come close to being satisfactory.

Lesson 6. — The person you choose to merge your life with is the most important decision you will make especially if you have children so why rush? If you already have children then you know that bringing a new person to join your family is life changing to them as well. If your child does not like the new person it is a good idea to evaluate why. Sometimes they can sense things that you don’t. Rose colored lenses will cloud your best judgement. 

Lesson 7. — Why settle for less when I can have the best? I have spent the majority of my life settling for less than I want. It wasn’t until recent times that I decided I did not want to settle anymore. The value I place on myself is what makes the world of difference. The wonderful person that I know I am and all that I have to offer requires a very unique and special man! I can’t be with just any ole body. I refuse to cast my pearls before swine.

Knowing the difference between “the best” and “better than the last” can be hard to decipher if you give your heart away too fast and don’t take your time to get to know a person. Sometimes when we jump in too fast and we invest our emotions, we may notice red flags and deal breakers but stay in the relationship anyway because we have invested emotion and don’t want to start over. We convince ourselves that it’s all good even though our spirits knows better.

Self deceit is something we do when we know the person we want to be with may not be right for us but out of desperation we want the crumbs anyway because we are too impatient to wait for our meal. We want whatever is a available not what is best for us, so we settle. We convince ourselves and excuse all red flags and mishaps to keep up the façade.

At age 38, I want to have God’s (Yahawah’s) very best for me or no one at all. I choose not to waste any time with a Mr. Right now. I take my livelihood and the lives of my children very seriously. If you make the mistake of choosing the wrong mate now, you will pay for it when you are older. My mother chose the wrong man and she lost her life because of it. The choice you make now will affect your future. It can be good or bad. The choice is ultimately yours!

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