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Relationship No’s!!!

"My Singleness & Individuality=Joy & Contentment"

This is not anger this is frustration because I am so sick of people telling me that I need a man. I am sick of people devaluing me because I am single. I want to set the record straight I have value, the fact that you put so much weight on being in a relationship is sickening. So you see I do not envy your relationship, I do not want what you have! I will not be someone’s mother, make-up to break up, or put anyone above God. Respectively, I will not take care of a man, it is a man’s responsibility to provide, in fact every real man I know takes pride in providing for his family. I want stability, trust, and respect. I want to get to know my partner, how can I do that if all we do is have makeup sex? I won’t put my partner’s needs over what I know is right, I won’t compromise my beliefs for quick fixes, sin, and shame. Some of your relationships disgust me! You waist each other’s time. Why do you hold on to dead weight and are stuck in the same place? Is your relationship producing fruit? That is how you know if it is of the Lord. Do you help each other to be better individuals? Are you two moving towards your purposes in Christ or are you burdening each other, hindering one another from reaching your full potential? Do you ignore what God has called you to do and make your lover the center of your being, ewww that’s wack and sounds unhealthy! Wake up naive ones life isn’t about your relationship, you weren’t put on this earth to serve one person. I do not glorify the things you do, you look to Cardi B/Offset, the Obamas, or Beyonce/Jay-Z to set standards, although these are all beautiful people and I’m a fan, I don’t. I look to the Bible to set my relationship goals and to obtain my standards. I look to Adam/Eve, Abraham/Sarah, Jairus/his wife, and of course Ruth/Boaz. I want a man to provide for me protect me and show me favor. I do not need a man for the reasons you say I need a man. In fact I don’t need a man! Jesus is all I need. However, I want a man to be my partner, to help me build a family, be my friend, laugh with me, encourage me, help me to reach my purpose, and to touch my body because Lord knows I love physical touch. There will be a time for these things, Ecclesiastes teaches us that there is a specific time for everything. I can wait for this special time in my life. When that time is I don’t know, I just trust God to help me be content and wait. While I wait in my singleness I progress into a better person. My life has meaning as I serve God by serving those in need around me. I get to volunteer in my Church’s Kids ministry, sing on the choir, write books for publishing, read books, write this blog, travel, pray, build a brand, and be a better friend/family member to those around me. I get to unravel the character and promises of God by studying the Bible. I am free at the moment from crying children who call me mom and a partner who calls me baby. God is shaping me into a Proverbs 31-like woman. So when I do enter a relationship I have something to bring to the table besides baggage. He is preparing me to be an amazing wife and mother to those who will have me. To the one who sees my value in its individual form. I know exactly who I am and what I want, curious, just ask me who I am and what I want I’ll tell you! So you see I am better off single than you are together. It is me who feels sorry for you because I can see the toxicity some of you are in but, I want you to succeed so I pray for you. I mourn for YOU because if you weren’t in a relationship you would think that your value would diminish. Fool, don’t you know that the Father in Heaven loves your individuality! So don’t worry about me! Let me mask in my singleness by dancing around in my apartment in nakedness all alone. At least while I still can. One day I will show you what my relationship goals are, I will show you what yours should be. Me and Mines will be your example, your welcome! If by any means you are offended by this post lighten up for starters, chances are I am not talking about you, it’s called generalization. Before you come for me re-evaluate yourself and your so called wonderful relationship that you try to force upon me. Maybe your upset, feel guilty, or are convicted because your relationship isn’t that great and fits into these generalizations, I assure you that isn’t my fault! If you want to learn more about how single people are content and happier than you two together check out Michael Todd’s Relationship Goals series (Transformation Church). Lastly, if you still think I need a man after reading this post, scroll back up to the top, and set your eyes on my unforced smile.

Love,
A non-envious single, black woman named Kandace Thomas aka Kandy

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