Relationship Red Flags: Part 1

When do typical bouts of confusion and uncertainty in a relationship turn into a major red flag?

Confusion can happen at any time in your life and/or your relationships. Often, confusion is a sign of a disconnect between what your heart knows and what your brain is trying to rationalize. But when does uncertainty or confusion in a personal relationship turn into a major red flag?

Just because there is phase of confusion or uncertainty in a relationship, it does not mean throw in the towel immediately. It takes time, usually a whole lifetime, for two people to get to know each other, especially on an intimate level. And by intimate I mean an exclusive relationship that is building trust, not necessarily in a physical way.

It is time to call the relationship into question when there is persistent confusion and uncertainty about some of the same issues. Many times, this stems from not knowing where you stand or what you mean to the other person. It can also be based on the level of connection you have or the relationship status. 

Any time you start to say, ‚ÄúTheir actions are not lining up with their words,‚ÄĚ it is time to reevaluate the relationship. Often, the other person is going through their own major conflict of conscience. And their uncertainty rubs off the person or persons closest to them.

Times like these, it is best to keep it simple. What you see is what you get. And if you keep allowing certain behavior, then you are telling the other person how he or she can treat you. Often times, the treatment gets worse. And this is not a scenario where things get worse before they get better.

Remember, people will show you their values and intentions from the early stages of a relationship. We often miss glaring aspects of their character because we are hoping for the best. Although their stance can change over time, it is usually not the case. The only thing that can change a person is him- or herself. This tends to require several stages, like the person realizing they need to work on themselves, actually taking the steps to get help and taking action.  

Always protect your wellbeing and sanity. Intuition serves us well if we listen to it. Just make sure it is truly your gut feelings and not your ego.

Stephanie is a certified life coach, national speaker, author, educator and consultant.

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