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RESTORATION

Your Creation.

– When I suffered from anxiety and depression, it was like being scared and exhausted at the same time. What a petrifying feeling. It was the fear of failure but no real urge to be productive. It’s craving companionship and friendship, but despising socializing and intimacy. It’s wanting to be alone, but hating the overwhelming feelings of loneliness. It’s caring about everything, but at the same token caring about nothing. But in the end it was feeling absolutely everything like a thousand swords piercing through my torso cavity, than feeling paralyzingly numb immediately after. This is excruciating pain at its finest. Depression is a hollow dark place of mind that is very uncomfortable and highly undesirable. It is a place where your spirit, body and soul become incapable to go on in life. When the sun decides to allow the moon to make an appearance, you finally feel a temporary relief. Because for what feels like a short moment in time you are unconscious and become unaware of the sad reality of your world. This is such a minuscule temporary escape you get from this actuality. This horrid feeling just isn’t the same as being lazy, no. This is a sophisticated state of bewilderment. I often asked myself, why is my body being held down by a ton of anchors? It was just this black fog that swallows you, envelopes you, boxes you in, to intoxicate you. Until your a complete inebriated walking causality. After all of this, we still manage to get by and survive. The real challenge is to silence the noise within. Is this what it feels like to be human? Constantly having a fear of fear. Don’t lose yourself there, allow me to paraphrase; it sucks. To feel and know you have one body, but it seems to be under control of two souls. A disconnection. A discontentment. I have been here and there with you, but the chances of going back are slim to None. I hope they are for you to. Please heal, most of all Pray… May you work on you and remain connected with the most important person that is You. And may this feeling never visit you again because the door is now locked and under new management. 

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