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Situationships

Situationships are the go-to for people who want to escape emotional responsibility. I, too, am guilty of asking for a situationship until I realized how ridiculous it is. In case you’ve never heard of it..a situationship is the stage right in the middle of Friends with Benefits and a full blown relationship. It’s also one of most damaging situations to be in. Friends with benefits is an arrangement where 2 people decide to use one another for sexual benefit with no expectation of time spent, dates, or emotional intimacy. It’s usually not an exclusive agreement, and anything other than the sexual benefit begins to cross over into situationship territory. 

 

People are often in situationships but call it “friends with benefits.” I believe the only way for a friends with benefits situation to remain functional is with 2 emotionally unavailable people. That’s code for broken and detached, meaning they consciously don’t expect anything because they have nothing to give, therefore contact is limited to sexual intercourse. That’s that. 

 

A situationship is where 1 or both parties require sex, intimacy, time spent, dates, sleepovers, “honesty and openness,” and even sexual exclusivity. Situationships are everything a relationship is except for the title. In the case of the classic situationship, the title serves as EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

 

To me, emotional responsibility is taking responsibility, not only for how you feel and behave, but for how you allow someone to feel about you. 

 

Some people feel like ER is simply being responsible for your own thoughts or feelings. I disagree wholeheartedly, and this is why situationships are so damaging. For example, in a FWB situation, the rules don’t allow for sleeping over, date nights, or anything that involves true bonding outside of sex, but with a situationship, the guy would allow the woman to sleep over (or vice versa), they cuddle, they kiss, they exchange affection both verbally and non verbally, all with the understanding that “we’re not together.” Now earlier I stated that with situationships , it’s 1 or both parties because a lot of times this is presented or initiated by 1 person and the other person goes along with it, and usually because there isn’t much feelings in the beginning and because it seems possible. It sounds fun and it seems to make a lot of sense. Where else could you get everything you need from a person, emotionally and physically, with the freedom to look for someone better? Because after all, “we’re not together anyway.” So technically it’s not cheating, technically it’s not lying. 

 

“I know I said I wouldn’t have sex with no one else, but we’re not together!”

 

Never mind the “I love yous.”

Never mind the future plans and promises.

Forget the tears and the disappointment.

“You knew what it was from the beginning.” 🥴

 

I had to learn the hard way that situationships are not my thing. They hurt, and the only thing that feels good is the sex, however brief that is. 

 

There is no better way to feel more worthless than allowing someone full access to your mind and body for the price of absolutely nothing. No promise and no future. But this is where emotional responsibility serves it’s true purpose. “We’re not together” so why am I here? Ask yourself. I had to be completely honest with myself. 

 

I was there because I was lonely and I wanted companionship, and I wanted love (real love). I wanted the full package, but I was afraid to admit that, so I downplayed my need for commitment. I mean seriously, who wouldn’t want all of me without having to give up their freedom. And yea, I knew I “had my freedom” too, but let’s be honest..I didn’t really want to be free. I wanted to belong and I wanted to feel protected. And if you’re anything like me, you give more and more of yourself hoping to change the dynamic, but they’re getting everything for free, so why change anything?? This is what you asked for right? A situationship. 

 

Ok so how do you end it? How do you get out?

 

You get honest with yourself..brutally honest. If the feelings were mutual, it would just be a full blown committed relationship. That’s ok though. Take this L, you’re not built for this, and at least you know now, so don’t recreate the same nothing with a new person. Figure out exactly what you want and only accept that. Now, what you want and why is a “whole nother” post, but we’ll get to that later. Take care. 

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