Inhale exhale is all I can remind myself to do as I cry and as I let go. Today was not an easy day. Today is the day my past has come back to haunt me, to try and destroy me. I have been living my life in accordance to God’s will and I have loved every day of it. It will be almost 2 years come August that I have been celibate yet today I will learn what it means to deal with the consequences. My body count is few, less than 3 but that doesn’t even matter! I was foolish and I gave my body away to men I did not love, to men I used, who weren’t my husband. The risks I took were fine as long as my body stayed clean. But what do you do YEARS later with a diagnosis, it’s crazy how the body works. I’ve always been normal, healthy, until today when my Pap smear test came back HPV positive. I knew something was wrong because it took too long to get my results back. When the doctor called my heart dropped. There was nothing I could do, now I had to get a colposcopy, which I can’t even afford! I prayed for healing in my body as I called out to God, I know this is the result of my own actions, I can’t blame anyone but me. All I can do is hope that grace is still for me, hope that healing is for me. I thought I was good. I turned my life around and now I have to deal with this because of my past. Not to mention I’ve never had a cold sore my entire life but now that my immune system is busy fighting HPV, oh lucky me. This is hard, this is tough, this is my life. This is the makings of me and I am still a Queen. I won’t give up, I won’t stop progressing into the God fearing woman God has called me to be. In fact I will use my pain and diagnosis to bring awareness to others. I will use my life to tell you about God’s promises. You are not alone, God promised us the victory in the end. This is why I am not afraid to share my story. I am however afraid of cervical cancer and the thought of not being able to have children. But I can’t let my fears control me, I have to press on. I have to lean on the Lord for strength. For he is my comforter, my provider, my healer. This my friend is how a Queen is made. When faced with opposition how will you proceed? Will you go into hiding or will you fight? I choose to put on the armor of God. I choose to spend time in his presence and seek first his kingdom. This is what QUEENS do. I was so quick in the past to judge others with STIs/STDs. I was so quick to call my friends dumb for having to go get tested. But I have learned that all sex is a risk whether safe or unprotected. So don’t give your body to someone outside of marriage because the risks aren’t worth it. I have learned that pride comes before the fall. I have learned that just as harshly as I judge others I too will be judged accordingly. I apologize for my harsh tongue now faced with these series of unfortunate events. I truly know what all of you are going through, what all of you have been through. This Queen can admit to her pride, this Queen can repent in the presence of her Father. From here on out I will remember that my body is a temple, Holy Spirit resides here. My prayer is that you all will receive this revelation, Jesus came to heal the multitudes, he did so freely. The good news is that Jesus is alive; he is risen from the dead. This means that Jesus is near, to bring us healing. There is a cure for viruses, the cure is Jesus! My body is weak but God promised to put his strength where I am weak. Thank-you Lord, I shall be healed. I want you to know that there is healing for all who walk with Jesus and that God wants us to walk in PURITY.
And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.” Mark 5:34
Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. Matthew 9:35
-The makings of this Queen are not easy. But still I count myself as blessed. I am blessed to be alive because things could be worse. Thankfully I have another day to live for the Lord, I pray I get many more to be in his presence.
Kandy a True Queen