I was in a relationship with a person who was in one with another woman our entire relationship. He took her around his family just as he did me. He spent significant time with each of us, wining and dining. The moment we discovered one another, he lied and pretended so well that it was Academy Award winning. I was crazy and confrontational and she was an ex who couldn’t take no for an answer. Clearly there was no acquaintance with honesty at all. The root was so deep, I felt there was no hope. He lied so much I lost my ability to believe anything he said. He lied without effort about those things I knew were true. I had receipts, but he had a story behind them that made absolutely no sense, however; he kept lying. Life sentencing evidence but the lies continued. Lying came natural, more so than telling the truth. I knew then I was dealing with a pathological liar.
It can become the liars everyday life, to the point where their whole existence is a fabrication. This level of lying is usually a symptom of a greater problem. While pathological lying can be its own disorder, it can also be a symptom of childhood trauma, narcissistic personality disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. In this article, I will discuss these areas pathological lying is connected to.
The Childhood Trauma
Pathological liars are usually very insecure individuals raised by very authoritative and strict parents who were not expecting of the individual as they were, therefore; the person had to create a person that was lovable, and acceptable by their parents to avoid punishment. These individuals grow up playing the rock because of the persona they have created. They fear that if they said what was really bothering them or how they really felt about their treatment there would be no love or closeness. In relationships, they overextended themselves for acceptance in the same manner. You may think you are with a great guy who knows how to treat a woman but in reality you are dealing with someone with deep rooted trauma and could find yourself a casualty of their inner war. Lying in children and adolescents is a common universal part of development and growth. This is something we are suppose to outgrow as we become responsible, upstanding adults.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Pathological liars either have narcissistic personality disorder or at least strong narcissistic traits and they compulsively lie to make themselves look better. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. It is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a mental illness. It’s made up of two parts: obsessions and compulsions. People may experience obsessions, compulsions, or both, and they cause a lot of distress. Obsessions are unwanted and repetitive thoughts, urges, or images that don’t go away. While, compulsions are a way to cope with obsessions. OCD is a negative coping mechanism and learned behavior, employed in an attempt to cover OCD symptoms. Everyone with OCD is not a pathological liar but some pathological liars do have OCD. An OCD sufferer may have learned to lie in order to feel better, to make people like them, or to hide their illness. With some similar characteristic as the person with narcissistic personality disorder they slightly differ. A person with both NPD and OCD however is another story.
In conclusion, if you just met a pathological liar, they’ve already lied to you. Many of them will not show their true personality, or let you get to know them. They will most likely lie to you the first time you meet them, to set the stage for more lying. However, some truths will be told to build the structure for their deceit. This makes lies more palatable and accepted since part of it is true. If you are a victim of a pathological liar this is how they condition you. The lying is a slow simmer like the frog in the boiling water. Before you know it you have been too conditioned to jump out. Because this disorder is so reflective and habitual it is more difficult to treat.
Don’t be the frog in the boiling water. Jump out while you can! Without proper help this individual will only project their destructive behavior onto you. GET OUT!