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The “Paige” effect-When a woman thinks marriage is going to fill the voids in their heart and make them feel complete

When you think marriage is going to fill the void in your heart and make you complete, you are sadly mistaken. Only God can heal your heart and put you back in the right shape so you can be an effective wife in your marriage and attract a Godly husband. Remember, baby girl, heal first before entering a relationship because a man cannot be a band-aid to your low self-esteem.

Married at First Sight’s Paige and Chris has really helped me to see many women put marriage on a pedestal and feel like being in a marriage is a stamp of validation, it says to the world in their mind that they are a catch, or that they are worthy or that they are good enough. But I believe if you don’t already feel validated before you say I do, you are only setting yourself up for failure in a relationship and opening yourself for manipulation and heartbreak. So I say all this to say, Paige homegirl, you gotta heal first before entering a relationship and or marriage because the way you are allowing Chris to play you is totally unacceptable 

3 reasons women put the idea of marriage on a pedestal:

1. They don’t Feel confident or complete as a single -Don’t allow what society has said or the media to influence your thoughts on marriage. Don’t think that marriage is some fairy dust that when you say “I do” at the alter that all your problems will magically go away, no, if you were insecure before they married you your insecurities will only amplify their selves in a marriage. Be happy and content as a single now so you don’t get played because you are desperate tomorrow. Scripture tells us Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11 Be satisfied and whole as a single now. Go after your dreams now. Don’t wait for prince charming to put the glass slipper on your foot, put on your own glass slippers and go out and live your life. 

2. They don’t know What they want from a relationship– It’s important to know what you want out of a relationship or marriage, not just the fact you know you want to be in one. Ask yourself what are you expecting from a husband. I believe a lot of women go into relationships and marriage knowing what they will do for a man, but never really understanding how a man is supposed to show up for them. Not knowing what you want from a relationship is dangerous and sets you up to be single inside of your relationship or marriage. Relationships cannot be one-sided. Many women think they have to please and serve a man, but they don’t demand or expect a man to reciprocate treatment towards them. Be specific about what you want from your mate and know how you want the man to treat you. Every woman should have this scripture memorized and as a bare minimum requirement for how they are to be treated in a relationship: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might [g]sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” Ephesians 5:25-28

3. They don’t Know their body is sacred– Many women overemphasize a physical connection over a mental and spiritual connection. Many women believe it’s their wifely duty to satisfy their man in every way possible. However, I believe that the women who think this are using their body as a crutch or supplemental material to “lock a man down,” or to build quick chemistry. I call quick intimacy fake chemistry. I believe a real bond is created through consistent conversations, expressions from the heart, and not orgasms. I posted online that we need to be more psychologists and not biologists or gynecologists when dating. I believe it’s important to see how someone’s mind works first before you go deep into exploring someone physically. Get to know a person by asking them hard questions. Find out where their momma stays and where their auntie stays, get in all the business. Examine how this person carries themselves and see if you like how the person thinks and sees the world. Don’t be afraid to get in his business, sis. Understand your body is the temple of the most high God. It has so much more value and purpose than just pleasing a man’s lust. Scripture tells us: “… do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 

When you think marriage is going to fill the void in your heart and make you complete, you are sadly mistaken. Only God can heal your heart and put you back in the right shape so you can be an effective wife in your marriage and attract a Godly husband. Remember, baby girl, heal first before entering a relationship because a man cannot be a band-aid to your low self-esteem.

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