The Pain Is Real

Let start the conversation on self -love, and let's talk about our pain together.

Pain is real.

Pain does not feel good.

Pain is hurtful.

Pain causes tears.

Pain causes sadness.

As a little girl, I experienced my own level of pain and hurt that I disclosed in my first book “Hold On To Your Dreams Tools TO Empower Young People.”

As a woman, and mother, the level of pain I experienced is impossible for me to describe.

Have you ever been depressed?

But, don’t really know why you are depressed?

And, you asked God?

Why do I feel sad?

Where is this sadness coming from?

And then, you realize?

F***, I am still in pain.

Over, something that happened 30 years ago, and/or 10 years ago.


Pain is different from falling as a child, and the feeling hurts for five minutes until mommy puts some peroxide or rubbing alcohol on the scar, a band-aid, and then we go back outside and play.  We do the same thing that caused the pain.

We get back on our bike, and do the same trick that caused the first scar.

That pain hit differently as an adult then a child.

As an adult, there are layers of pain.

Everyone experiences some form of pain, at some point in their life.

Pain can come from losing a family member or friend due to sickness/illness or even violence.

Pain can also come from a bad break-up with a child’s father.  Unfortunately, I can 100% relate to this type of pain.  

Pain can be caused from childhood trauma/issues that are out of our control.

The first step to self-love and self-healing:

We have to acknowledge the pain.

We have to process the pain.

Which means talk about the pain, share your painful stories/events with a trusted friend or therapist.

Step One:  Acknowledgement

*Stop feeling guilty.

*Stop feeling ashamed

*Stop feeling embarrassed around whatever situation caused your pain.

Step Two: Accept, and process the pain

Now, that you have your big girl panties on, you can put on your best outfit, and be cute and go to therapy, or lean on a Life Coach, or go talk to a trusted friend.

Or if you like me, you can write about the situation or event.

It’s called emotional writing.

Writing is free. LOL

If you are on a budget. Therapy can add up real fast.

Hopefully, you find a good therapist that is effective and affordable.

Step Three:  Moving on and starting your healing journey

The hardest stage.

It is possible.  Sis, it is possible.

Hopefully, it does not take 10 years.

Sis, take your time to heal because healing is a marathon, and not a sprint. Healing is a journey, and not a destination.

Step four:  Healing

Healing looks different for different folks, for different people.

I am not saying you will no longer have sad moments about your situation or event.

It means that the event or situation will no longer control your life. You can move forward with peace in your heart.

I would say to myself, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things, I cannot change, and the courage to change the things, I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.”

As a woman, who is still on my own healing journey, I am sending you healing vibes, every single day.

See the light, and the sun in your storm, in your darkest moments.

For me, my daughter is my light, when I think about the pain that my child’s father caused. I feel better because now I can finally share my truth.




Visit our website at and book a session with me today to start your self-care and self -love journey. And let’s accomplish all your goals and dreams together.

Team work make the dream work.


Sis, Continue to be D.O.P. E (Determined, Optimistic, Phenomenal, and Elegant)


Your Sister,

Ms. Barbara A. Bell, MSW

Certified Life Coach/Author Coaching/Speaker/Trainer/Author

D.O.P.E Millennial Mothers Founder



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