The dating No, No’s
- Don’t try to pull anything out of a person, or look on the brighter side when red flags are waving at you in the beginning
- You cannot satisfy a shallow person
- Relationships shouldn’t feel like you need to do calculus or nuclear physics to make it work
Background on the show (skip if you already know):
Married at First Sight is a reality show that has me triggered. I never really watched the show before but I’m familiar with the premise. Relationship “experts” match individuals who they feel would be a good fit for each other and literally when the two individuals meet they are married that same day. Sounds like a good idea, most people don’t know how to date anyway and may need outside opinions to help guide into meeting a suitable mate, however, the relationship experts may have missed the mark with matching this couple because the groom Chris has said on many occasions he is not attracted to his wife Paige this is a problem. I don’t want to fault Chris because he’s not attracted to his wife but the way he’s going about his disinterest is wrong in my opinion. Grant it they are married and the most logical thing to do is to stick it out to see if attraction builds but this post is a cautionary tale for those of us who haven’t made it down the alter but maybe in relationships where you feel the vibe that someone is settling for you or doesn’t feel like you are their “type”. Although well-meaning people may say to you “stick it out, he or she may come around,” I feel it’s better to cut your losses if attraction begins to fade, whether that’s on the first date, third date, after becoming exclusive, or even after an engagement and here’s why:
The argument– Well maybe she sees something in him that we don’t see or deep down inside he’s probably a good person and needs someone to bring it out of him:
- My rebuttal: Nooooooooooo there’s no deep down inside stuff and why is it someone else’s job to do all the hard work in trying to pull something out of someone that should already be on display. For example, no one has to coach me to be a nice or caring person, because I do consider myself a nice caring person and it’s evident in my actions and words, I don’t need anyone to work with me to bring that out of me, it flows naturally. I believe if someone has to use some elbow grease to pull my nice characteristics out of me then maybe I may need to go work with a therapist and not be married, not to say a husband and wife can’t bring out certain qualities in a person but overall decency from one human being to another should come out naturally and I haven’t seen any decency come from Chris as of yet. Little kids are blunt and brutally honest, adults should have the emotional intelligence to want to spare or not intentionally hurt someone’s feelings, Chris is not mature if he continues to belittle Paige every episode. There’s a scripture in the Bible that says For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). The deep down inside of Chris is coming out of him, by the words he speaks by saying Paige is not a trophy wife, and how his ex had this or his ex had that, and how he’s not attracted to her. A lot of people may try to rationalize Chris’s words and say “Maybe he didn’t mean it like that, or maybe this is what he means,” no, he said exactly what he meant, there’s no need to do any Criminal Justice investigation on the meaning behind it. Another scripture says …you will know them by their fruits (Matthew 7:16) and by the looks of Chris’s fruits some bad apples are hanging on that tree that I don’t want to eat. Overall pay attention to both actions and words.
The argument– He’s just not attracted to her and that’s not his fault the experts put them together:
- My rebuttal: No one is saying that Chris is wrong in how he feels but it’s the way he’s going about expressing himself is what’s rubbing people the wrong way. At the end of the day, we all are flesh. And for Chris to totally dismiss Paige because she’s not wrapped in the flesh package he likes is immature. Even if Chris was attracted to Paige it’s still not fair to Paige, because Chris in my opinion is shallow. The word “low” is in the word shallow and shallow means of little depth. it wouldn’t matter if in Chris’s opinion she was a trophy wife a shallow man cannot be satisfied and he would just want the woman to shut up and be quiet and just look good on my arm so my peoples can give me dap and show me love and think I’m the man. Even as a “trophy” Paige’s inner man would be starved for soul affection like it is now. A trophy doesn’t hold any intrinsic value long term the trophy just sits there in most cases to boost someone’s ego. Mature adults know that it’s a spiritual connection that matters most, beauty fades like Proverbs 31:30 says but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised, Chris should know this. It’s someone’s heart for God that makes them attractive when you walk this walk as Christians, the outside being pleasing to your eye is a bonus, of course, I’m not saying settle or date someone that you aren’t attracted to, but it’s disturbing me that Chris keeps going on and on about not being attracted to Paige instead of trying to get to know her and see if the attraction builds that way.
- And to me Chris also seems like he needs a lot of outside validation, he cares too much about what people say and that’s not a person you want to be in a relationship with. If the opinions of others can sway the person you are with, then the opinions of others can ultimately destroy the relationship as well.
The argument– Maybe if Paige sticks in it long enough she can make it work:
- My rebuttal: No Chris as a husband has to give Paige as a wife something worth fighting for, at the bare minimum she’s not even getting emotional support from her “husband.” He’s acting like a kid that because he didn’t get what he wants he’s going to keep complaining and nagging over and over, except Chris is doing a lot of criticizing of his wife, possibly in an attempt to make her leave him so he doesn’t look like the bad guy. it’s as if she can’t do anything right, so why keep trying to please someone impossible to please. The dude is not worth the frustration nor is he worth the mental gymnastics you have to go through to satisfy this him. Love shouldn’t feel like a science project, and as the women have you thinking “okay let me put this together and that together and maybe he’ll like me now, or let me try to connect with him physically and let me cook him meals 5 times a day and let’s see if that will satisfy him,” NOOOOO, love shouldn’t make you feel like your in math or science class making you strain your brain for ways to please your mate and make him happy with the relationship. A successful relationship works when two parties want to make it work when both want to be with each other, if one does and another doesn’t if you are the one that does and the other doesn’t, just cut our losses and move on. I don’t think you should convince a person otherwise if they are not feeling you, let their disinterest be a sign to move on. Trying to change their mind by listing your credentials or hoping to win him over with your cooking skills will be a waste of time because now the guy may like you for what you do instead of who you are. In this instance with Paige and Chris, let me be free if I’m Paige to find someone who wants me and interested in me from the beginning and you Chris go and find what you are looking for since I’m not it.
