Over the course of my life, I have found this to be true. We tend to choose certain people in our lives due to how we were raised & influenced by those around us. If we experienced any form of neglect or abuse in our childhoods, such as: emotional neglect, any form of abuse, favoritism by parents; being bullied by peers; bad role model from the neighborhood…); it can deeply influence how we view ourselves, others, and the world.
Human beings are social beings, and like to be recognized, seen/heard, and validated by those that influence us the greatest. However, if those influences are not healthy…they could unknowingly create a dysfunctional way of “seeing, being, relating” in the world around us. Some dysfunctional ways of relating with others are: becoming codependent, being entitled, bullying others; having either too rigid or passive boundaries, which protect our physical, emotional/psychological, mental; and spiritual domains in our life.
Once a “template” is created, we search for those who fit similar ways of seeing, being and relating to the world. Usually, after we have bumped our heads in a couple of unhealthy, unsatisfying, and very painful intimate relationships; we are willing to seek help in “what are we doing wrong.” Sometimes, the only thing you did wrong was to not teach someone how to treat you….from the very first day you met them. How you allow someone to treat you, signifies how you were once treated; and saw this as a normal way of relating in the world around you. Another way a person learns unhealthy thinking/behaving is through loved ones that may have raised us transferring their insecurities, unhealed pain…to us…and we internalized their issues…as ours. This can be painful to admit that maybe mommy, daddy, grandma, auntie/uncle were not the perfect people we thought they were.
As we get older and experience life, we discover that everyone is struggling in some capacity or another. That no one is perfect and is doing the best they can with what information they have at the time. What becomes a tragedy is when these “unhealthy patterns” become a fixture in a family line….across generations as “this is just how we are.” This can have serious implications, not only in our family or individual lives, but also it becomes destructive in society as a whole.
So, are you ready to work with me to explore some unhealthy patterns “in yourself” that you may have picked up from a loved one, a peer, a neighborhood bad example?…that you mistook for “this is how you look at life, this is how you behave in life…this is what I have to accept from life?
I am waiting to work with you……