Three Steps for Dealing with Rejection

Often when we experience rejection it feels very personal and that can be for several reasons; however I will discuss one I see common in my work: It echoes a pre-existing insecurity. It wasn’t ONLY the rejection from the job, it was the underlying thought that nothing works out for you. It wasn’t ONLY the rejection from someone you cared for, it was the underlying thought of nobody loves me or I will end up alone. How we see, interpret, and make meaning of our rejection is related to our thoughts about ourselves, the people around us, and the world around us. When you face rejection, which if you are going after new opportunities (or just living), you most likely will, it is important to PAUSE, REFLECT, AND REFRAME. Here is the HOW (I got you!)


PAUSE: I invite you to give yourself SPACE to PAUSE and explore how the rejection impacted you. The feelings that are associated with rejection can be plenty. The important piece is to note that our feelings are messengers. That’s right, they are trying to tell you something. I often find that when UNCOMFORTBALE feelings come up, we label them as BAD and quickly dismiss them. Not this time. You are a human, and as a human, you will have emotions. The pause is also step number one because it puts space in between the event and your reaction. I will save default reactions for another post but YOU KNOW sometimes your first reaction is not always a good one. Take some time to pause because this pause may very well determine how you face future rejections.


REFLECT: As you are taking your pause, I invite you to engage in reflection. Some Reflection prompts you might explore are:

·        Consider how you have internalized this rejection.

·        What messages did it communicate to you?

·        What wounds did it sting for you?

·        How can the rejection be an opportunity to growth, what did it teach you?

·        How can the impact of the rejection remain temporary versus turning permanent?

·        What do you find yourself wanting to do in response to the rejection? Is this in alignment with what you were trying to achieve before facing the rejection?

***Please note that you might need help reflecting. It is okay to seek the help of a Counselor, Coach, or Mentor. There are many people who have experienced rejection. You are not alone. Don’t be afraid to use your resources***


REFRAME: To Reframe means to frame or express words or concepts differently. Words similar to reframe are: Rework, re- evaluate, revise, and reconsider. This step must be INTENTIONAL and practiced. This was a step by step process because the reframe has reflect a corrective, beneficial, healthy, realistic viewpoint in order for you to move forward. Here are some reframes I have used:

Rejection is just information regarding compatibility

          Rejection is just a response to small part of who we are, it does not determine of worth as a person

Rejection is a sign that you are pursuing the things in life you want

Rejection is an opportunity to improve

I will not work to change anyone’s mind about me. I will work to change my mind about myself. What can this rejection serve me?

Rejection is protection 


Do not let Rejection close you off to the things you have hoped for. Pause, Reflect, and Reframe so you can get to what is for you!  


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