Use These 5 Hormones to Your Marital Advantage

'Someone mentions hormones and we think hot flashes and sex drive. But really, hormones can be the glue that makes your relationship survive and thrive.'

Hormones often get a bad rep. We think they turn guys into dogs, women into spawns of Satan and emotional wrecks during that time of the month. Someone mentions hormones and we think hot flashes and sex drive. But really, hormones can be the glue that makes your relationship survive and thrive.

I’m going to name five hormones and how you can use them for your relationship advantage, especially for marriage!

Before I quickly break this all down to you, I’d like you to be aware of how much previous experiences mentally influence current thought patterns and behaviors. If you were hurt in past relationships (romantic, family, work-related or friendly), then you may have some areas in life where you are more easily triggered. Add these sometimes emotional patterns with any hormonal fluctuations and you’ve created a bomb ready to go off at any moment. Yet you can also become more aware of this to control your actions through the power of the mind. So be open to the idea that even though you may feel like your hormones are negatively driving you sometimes, you still have the choice to be the person you want to be proud of, regardless. 

Check out these 5 hormones and how you can use them for your benefit:


Many of our relationships are influenced by what we experienced with our parents. Examples of this are sometimes seen in male aggression, with a lack of or disrespect of parental authority. A man might have all sorts of energy he wants to release due to male testosterone, but never learned to control and create healthy boundaries on how to temper himself and respect others. So it affects how he communicates, interprets and chooses to express his frustrations; which can lead to rocky relationships, especially romantic ones. This type of man may be quick to dismiss the concerns of others, more ready to physically fight in attempts to resolve matters or explode emotionally when feeling sad. Because of his hormones, he might even feel justified in his actions. However, once becoming aware of how his actions negatively affects those he loves, he can choose to apply the drive from his testosterone towards becoming a man who is simply more protective and loving of his wife and children and decides to put that energy in being the best husband and father he can learn to be. 



You can control your moods. This hormone helps regulate your mood. So if you’re feeling cranky, sad or upset then choose to make some tasty yet healthy food for you and your spouse or go out to eat together. Matter of fact, go to a park or somewhere outdoors together as this all releases serotonin which helps to balance out how you feel. Choosing to show gratitude to each other will also release the hormone – making you both feel better. It’s also said that vitamin D really helps in this area.



Sex boosts your mood. Increase your stamina in the bedroom. One thing that can dampen a romantic mood is running out of gas in the middle of a romantic romp with your spouse. However, working out will help train and condition your body and mind to go the extra mile. The hormones that are ready and waiting to help you do that are endorphins! Sex releases endorphins which relaxes the body and reduces stress and anxiety. The better your stamina the more confident you can feel when it comes to building more intimacy in the bedroom. Not saying that it has to be an energy fest! It’s merely about being confident and less pressured in the bedroom (or where ever). We’ve all heard the saying that, “sex dies out once you get married”. I’m convinced that if this holds any truth to it, it’s only because spouses have yet to learn the power of sex as a therapeutic tool. Sex in marriage is often labeled as the expression of love between two people. If it’s only viewed in this way, then that means, once the couple gets mad at each other or lose “love” in the marriage, then the sex is more likely to go out the window. I believe that in some cases the love does go out the window and marriages end because the sex never continued through the times when it would have been most beneficial to bringing the marriage back together. Agreed upon sex, along with consistent emotional healing and counseling seals the marriage back into play. The sex – especially when you feel too tired or just don’t feel like having it – relieves the body’s stresses and tensions and the endorphins aid in the releasing of other sexual hormones that can help rebuild the loving bond which I will bring up next. But this label limits the potential of what more sex is in such a union. When   



Relieve pains, encourages empathy, creates feelings of emotional and loving connections. In my opinion, this is why married sex is the best sex ever; because when you have sex and kiss and all that good stuff, oxytocin is released in abundance and you feel the love and care that blesses you in so many ways. Yet if you aren’t married, this hormone can be deceptive. It can have you feeling love and wanting more attachment from someone who doesn’t love you and who you don’t actually love. So watch out if you are having sex but not married to that person. Someone could get hurt.

If you’re a woman on your cycle, use oxytocin as a natural pain reliever by snuggling up to your hubby and allowing him to wrap his masculine, testosterone built arms around you. You will feel safe and this will release pain relieving hormones that will help to decrease your menstrual cramping plus release feelings of connection and care, which help to battle depression and crankiness that sometimes occurs around the cycle. Overall, this releases the hormone, making each of you feel loved and relieved.

Another ways to release oxytocin that benefits marriage is working out together, massaging each other, having good conversations, affirming and validating each other, praying and meditating and listening to music together. More intimately, sleeping naked together, showering together and doing stuff – even the little things – for each other all release these happy hormones! 

One last tip for using oxytocin which is an absolute game changer if you’re you’re truly ride or die for having a successful marriage… When you’re upset at your spouse, begin to practice these few tips to temper yourself with – and it might even temper your spouse in the process if they too are upset. These all release oxytocin.

  • Stare at your partner in a loving manner (this is best if you have a partner who refuses to be touched).  Please try to have kind eyes – not angry ones.
  • As you walk around them, gently glide your hand across or down their back or across their shoulder.
  • Walk up to them and hug them.
  • Kiss them on the lips. This is a bold one because many folks barely want to touch let alone kiss when they’re angry
  • Smile at them. (Please not the crazy, “I’m gonna hurt you back” smile.)
  • Tell them, “Even though I’m upset, I love you and want to work this out”.



Make it last! Make what last? The marriage or dopamine? I mean both! I talked about “the sex is less after marriage” issue earlier in this post, but you can’t really bring that up without mentioning how the fire of some relationships seems to damper into ambers. But why? Well, some say it’s because there’s nothing more to look forward to in the relationship – nothing new or exciting because it’s become predictable. That makes sense because relationships are so mental and the brain loves dopamine. We love anticipations and rewards! It’s a reason why social media can be so addicting. It’s the validation and the rush we look to help us remember that we are alive! What would we do if chocolate stopped tasting good, or roller coasters presented no fear of injury or death? What would be the point? So I can understand this perspective some people have when it comes to wanting exciting relationships. This is typically where the conversation comes in about people preferring the bad boys and bad girls over the good ones. But what do you do if you’re already married and everything seems predictable and dogging each other out and cheating are certainly not options? 

For one, remember that it’s always mind over [grey] matter! You have the choice to help make things better. Don’t put all the expectations on your spouse – that’s just pointing fingers. Do something to spark the both of you into fun new paths.

In order to consistently release dopamine, what you want to do is create goals (big or very small) within the marriage. Give each other something achievable and fun to strive for as a dare. Play basketball or some other sport together. Start playing video games together if you’ve not tried before. Open a business together that you can both be excited about. Making money together is always a cool reward. Create sexual arousal that’s different. For example, I love what one preacher said his wife started doing. He said when he would come home she would have a certain color bulb in one of her lamps turned on to let him know how much she wanted to “get it on” with him! I thought that was so cute because it created an anticipation for both of them. So, create new experiences with each other – even if with small things around the house. Play hide-n-seek in the dark. Chase each other. Tackle each other just for the heck of it. Take up a music lesson together. Rub each other’s feet on the same day every week while listening to some of your favorite music – yes this seems predictable, however, the reward is the release of oxytocin and more dopamine. It’ll keep you going back to each other while also providing relief and therapy.

Just for fun, decide to do everything with your opposite dominant hands – that could get very funny and spark hilarious conversation. Just try it! Do things that make you laugh together. The laughter is scientifically healing to the immune system and excellent for bonding and releasing feel good hormones. There’s endless possibilities. It’s only your own mentality that can limit your marriage. Plus, the more new things the two of you learn and do together, the more you build your brain health over the years. 

So I hope you have gained a more helpful perspective on how you can use your hormones to your advantage. They aren’t here to ruin our lives but rather enhance them. God knew exactly what He was doing. Now go have fun with your spouse!

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