I remember as I was growing up and well into my 20’s how insecure I was as a girl then turned into a woman. I was teased through out the years for many things pertaining to my looks and my body type. Although a lot of the teasing came from family members that may not have meant any harm by it, it cut me deep inside every single time that I would hear the repetitive comments about my looks.I would laugh it off “with them” as my way of trying to get them to cut it out sooner than later. I was a sensitive child and grew up holding onto that sensitivity while being “toughened up” along the way. But the foundation of me moving through life seeking validation from others had been laid.
As I moved away from home and ended up with a partner who then also would tease me about my body or looks damaged me even more. No matter how many compliments I would receive from strangers I could never fully accept them because I held on so tight to the negative commentary that was given to me from people I loved the most. So no matter what a stranger would say to me in my mind they were either being fake or wanted something from me, which would explain them being so nice. Sad huh?!
It seemed like I just couldn’t get it right! I was too skinny for one person, the other one would tell me I didn’t have a woman’s body, another would tell me my forehead was too big , boobs too small and on and on. When I started working out, I was then told I was gaining too much muscle that I needed to be careful that I’d start looking like a man, gained a little weight and then was told to watch out because I’m putting on weight. Again no matter what I did or how my body changed through out the years someone had their uninvited critique to share.
Once I became a mom for the first time my goal was to make sure that my baby girl grew up loving herself. I refused to have her grow up walking around feeling insecure or lost in this world, seeking validation from people who could never give it to her because what I finally realized was that the same people that relentlessly teased me through out the years had their own insecurity and self esteem issues that they needed to deal with. These people were also broken inside. I had to make sure she knew how beautiful and loved she was despite what anyone else thought or deemed as their standard of beauty or what anyone ever says to her . Thank God that goal was accomplished!
” You are enough!”
You are enough is what I was able to convey to her as I spoke affirming words over her every single day. You are enough is what I conveyed as we talked about the mean things that her classmates would say about her out of anger. You are enough is what I was able to convey as I allowed her to be free in who she was without criticizing her choice.
But what about me? Well as I went through this process with my daughter I myself began to heal and learn to accept myself more along the way but that only took me so far. I had to sit and really do the work on myself. Sit and unpack all the baggage that I had collected along the way. Figure out who I truly was outside of what everyone fed me from birth and into my adult life. I learned how to take my power back from everyone that owned a piece of me without my permission. Learned to love every part of me, no matter what shape or size my body may be in the moment. Most importantly I learned that my validation does not come from “man” but from who God says I am. And according to him I am rare, I an not to be handled carelessly, I am worth more than rubies (look up the value of a 1ct Ruby in case you aren’t sure of their worth), I am precious, I am wonderfully made. So if I am all these things to the creator of the universe then why do I care about the opinion and reverence of humans?
There will always be someone that has something to say, someone that doesn’t like you “just because”, someone with a backhand compliment and someone projecting their own insecurities and brokenness onto you.
People’s opinion of you is none of your business. That is NOT your burden to carry. That is NOT what you were put on this earth to do. Taking on the task of trying to please everyone will cause you to die a little inside EVERY SINGLE DAY .
I want you to take a moment out of your day and think about your life. Who are you looking up to for validation? Who are you seeking confirmation from when you walk the way you do, talk like you do, dress like you do, raise your children the way you do? Identify who or who all you’ve given your power to and work on figuring out WHY you gave them that power. Ladies it’s time to free ourselves from everyone else’s self imposed baggage. It’s time to walk to the beat of a different drum, one that puts a lot more pep in your step. Remember
YOU ARE ENOUGH! ..See ya’ll on the other side! Love, Nikki