Hypothetically if you asked 5 of your closest girlfriends if they have ever been cheated on probably the majority would say yes. On the other hand, if you ask 5 of the closest men to you if they have ever been cheated on? The majority of men would probably say ‘No’.
This idea also comes with data from General Social Survey to prove it, In general, men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they’ve had sex with someone other than their spouse while married.
Without a doubt, many men are notoriously known to take the gamble of entertaining other women while in a relationship at one point in time or another. Call it a man’s flawed nature. Or diagnose him with the “grown-boy syndrome”, and in plain English, an immature man. Is it really just about most men having a “hoe phase”? Only time can tell for these young ones.
Men get caught all the time cheating with wandering eyes, seeking female attention or having full-on relations with other women. Whatever you classify as cheating is valid.
But let’s just focus on a profound idea I stumbled on during my regular dating coach YouTube binges that I’ll gladly admit to you all.
So I was watching a live of Rebecca Lynn Pope’s video, where she stated the following,
“Women have higher standards with who they date, & men have higher standards with who they will marry.”
My jaw dropped.
I never looked at dating this way but it was 100% true. I couldn’t wrestle with it, although it was an epiphany for me.
To clarify, I take the statement as a woman needs to feel comfortable from the beginning with a man pursuing her in order for her to continue dating him. A man can mess up his first impression quite easily, and she will probably have more options coming soon if not already. So, he gets booted into the friend zone, or more likely in this cancel culture we live in, he’ll never get to see her again.
Men on the other hand can be picky about marriage. A man has no issue in dating a woman long term, for many months or years, and then letting the relationship fizz out because he never saw her as “the one”.
In this sort of case, women lose out. If she wants marriage but goes along with having a 3 year, 5 year, 10 year+ boyfriend she could be out of luck until she decides to leave. But by then many of her years have passed only for her having to start over with someone new.
What’s a bigger cost? That long term investment of 3+ years dating a man you expected to be marriage ready but never saw you that way?
Or the woman that got approached and just finds him unattractive, creepy or incompatible within a matter of minutes to a few weeks then decides she is not interested anymore.
It’s easy as a woman to waste time thinking you will achieve a long term relationship. I challenge ladies to let go of that goal-oriented approach and instead learn discernment.
Discerning a man that wants you for a time in his life vs. the one that wants you for a lifetime is not easy. But it’s a skill that’s built up overtime. Through coaching we can hold you accountable as you date and figure out the patterns you see in each kind of guy.
The best investment you can make is either putting some form of a trusted dating service into your dating plan, or learning the skills yourself to weed out men early. I’d personally say one can be more time costly and saves energy, the other can be energy costly and financially costly.
A man has to go in knowing he’s ready for the next step, marriage. This usually carries a lot more difficulties for men than women because marriage is a larger investment on his end than dating a few years then letting you go to be with someone better. I can go into that more in another post.
My whole point on this issue of women losing is the fact that we want something that takes longer to get. And because of this, we falter. We can start to lose strength and momentum. Each time we take an L and don’t take even a short break from relationships/situationships we come into something new with baggage and low confidence.
When you take many losses it’s so easy to default in, “this isn’t for me.” or “I have had enough” or “I may just need to be content with staying single forever.”
But perception is everything, and it all is on an individual basis. I think scarcity-minded people continuously repeat the patterns to continue to form that story of scarcity in their mind subconsciously. I think people who have an abundance mindset can have better chances of finding the kind of relationship they desire.
That’s all for now beauties,
Kianna Byrd xx